Saturday, July 28, 2012
Friday, July 27, 2012
Beautiful Grace
I was searching
Searching for something
You came shining
Like the morning
I was woken
My heart had been stolen
- by beautiful grace
Searching for something
You came shining
Like the morning
I was woken
My heart had been stolen
- by beautiful grace
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Who Are You Really Mad At?
Read this article by Peter Bregman early this morning and I wish I read it when I was much younger. Being aware of this would have helped me become a much better person for the people I'm in relationship with.
The article starts off:
"A man and two children, a boy about nine and a girl about seven, were walking ahead of me in silence. The boy looked up and said something to his father. Whatever he said set off his father who started yelling at the boy. I could see the boy's pain as his father's words hit him. It was heartbreaking.
What happened next took me by surprise, but shouldn't have: As soon as his father stopped yelling at him, the boy turned to his little sister and hit her.
As I thought about that boy, I realized how often I — and so many people I know — do a version of the same thing. We say or do something to someone when, really, it's meant for someone else."
That sounded like me. I take out on others the pain others have caused me. I may think I'm more mature, but in this area, I'm a 4-year old.
The author admits to his own immaturity:
"It's hard to see that kind of behavior in yourself. At first, I didn't notice anything. But I kept looking. I even spent a couple of days trying to talk less, just noticing my urge to talk and then examining where the urge came from. Was I speaking to the right person?
A pattern began to emerge, one I'm embarrassed about but that became hard to ignore: I do and say things specifically to impress people, even people I don't know.
Put aside for a moment that trying to impress someone is highly unimpressive. Why do I do it? Do I really care what complete strangers think of me? Who am I truly trying to impress?
As I tossed that thought around for a while, one person kept coming to mind: my mother.
As a kid, like most kids, I wanted to please her. But we grow out of that as we become adults, right?
Apparently not me. I try to show people that I'm succeeding — even by bragging or showing off — because, somewhere in the complicated recesses of my mind, I believe it will deepen my mother's love for me. In other words, I try to get other people to notice the things that are important to my mother.
It's crazy, I know. But so is hitting your sister because you're angry at your father. It might be crazy but it's what we do."
Now it really started to sound like me, not just because of the anger, but of the pattern of wanting to achieve because of a lifelong desire to honor my parents, which isn't a bad thing, but respect can lead to being trapped by another person's expectations when taken too far.
The point is, many of our reactions come from far deeper than just that moment's trigger. If we are in a situation that is triggering us, we need to start disciplining our mind to take control of our thoughts and actions. We need to recognize what's happening, and not just react - no matter how justified our reason seems.
On the other side, if we are on the receiving end of someone's reactions, we, again, need to discipline our mind to take control of our thoughts and actions, and not react back, but respond appropriately, which means responding in a manner that saves the relationship.
You can read the full article here. I highly recommend it.
The article starts off:
"A man and two children, a boy about nine and a girl about seven, were walking ahead of me in silence. The boy looked up and said something to his father. Whatever he said set off his father who started yelling at the boy. I could see the boy's pain as his father's words hit him. It was heartbreaking.
What happened next took me by surprise, but shouldn't have: As soon as his father stopped yelling at him, the boy turned to his little sister and hit her.
As I thought about that boy, I realized how often I — and so many people I know — do a version of the same thing. We say or do something to someone when, really, it's meant for someone else."
That sounded like me. I take out on others the pain others have caused me. I may think I'm more mature, but in this area, I'm a 4-year old.
The author admits to his own immaturity:
"It's hard to see that kind of behavior in yourself. At first, I didn't notice anything. But I kept looking. I even spent a couple of days trying to talk less, just noticing my urge to talk and then examining where the urge came from. Was I speaking to the right person?
A pattern began to emerge, one I'm embarrassed about but that became hard to ignore: I do and say things specifically to impress people, even people I don't know.
Put aside for a moment that trying to impress someone is highly unimpressive. Why do I do it? Do I really care what complete strangers think of me? Who am I truly trying to impress?
As I tossed that thought around for a while, one person kept coming to mind: my mother.
As a kid, like most kids, I wanted to please her. But we grow out of that as we become adults, right?
Apparently not me. I try to show people that I'm succeeding — even by bragging or showing off — because, somewhere in the complicated recesses of my mind, I believe it will deepen my mother's love for me. In other words, I try to get other people to notice the things that are important to my mother.
It's crazy, I know. But so is hitting your sister because you're angry at your father. It might be crazy but it's what we do."
Now it really started to sound like me, not just because of the anger, but of the pattern of wanting to achieve because of a lifelong desire to honor my parents, which isn't a bad thing, but respect can lead to being trapped by another person's expectations when taken too far.
The point is, many of our reactions come from far deeper than just that moment's trigger. If we are in a situation that is triggering us, we need to start disciplining our mind to take control of our thoughts and actions. We need to recognize what's happening, and not just react - no matter how justified our reason seems.
On the other side, if we are on the receiving end of someone's reactions, we, again, need to discipline our mind to take control of our thoughts and actions, and not react back, but respond appropriately, which means responding in a manner that saves the relationship.
You can read the full article here. I highly recommend it.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Don't Miss the Point
I'm taking the time to write this because I'm quite bothered by some of the messages I've been receiving and some comments I've seen regarding the articles I wrote. I write these articles to help remind us, including myself, to focus on the valuable things, on what are truly important, and not to aim our attention, our thoughts, our affection, and actions, on shallow, meaningless, and ultimately unfulfilling pursuits. I would hate for my readers to enjoy a post, feel moved, have butterflies in their stomach, and be inspired - for a moment - yet miss the point of the message.
I don't want you to have a good meal, not chew it properly, and wonder why you have digestion problems. I'm hoping you'll catch the message, think through it, even think critically of it, and, if you agree, use whatever emotion it has elicited to motivate you to action.
If I conjure emotions in our souls, that we are valuable, that we are loved, that our lives have meaning, yet do not urge us to fight for our treasures, to stop trading away our love for pride, for religion, for rebellion, or for validation, I would be doing a disservice.
Principles must be applied for them to take effect. Emotions must be channeled toward truly valuable things for beautiful things to bloom.
So when I write about crushes, and about how creating unrealistic ideals and fantasies are dangerous, what I'm really saying is this:
You have something amazing waiting for you to fight for. Stop trading them away for the vicarious, for the temporary, for the easy pleasure. You'll ruin your ability to enjoy the real thing. You'll be too full with junk to accept good things. Worse, you'll be so used to junk you won't be able to recognize a good thing even if it's right in front of you. And even worse, you'll actually have an appetite for junk.
When I talk to people defending fast-food over a healthy meal, I just stay quiet. I cannot convince someone who has an appetite for junkfood that there's healthier and more satisfying food out there.
In the same way, I've found it very very difficult to convince others that many of the songs, movies, books, and mindsets our culture has adopted is crap. It's rotten crap. The reason why it's difficult is because there's an appetite for this, and very little appetite for the noble, for the praiseworthy, for the excellent.
No wonder we have so many issues. Eat junk and your body will get sick. Fill your soul with junk and you'll have a sick mind, sick emotions, and a weak will. You'll be spoiled.
If we are spoiled, if we're full of junk, we will spew junk on our relationships. From the abundance of our spoiled heart we will speak and act filth.
Most of the ugly stuff my life has produced was born out of planting the wrong seeds in my soul. Seeds of bitterness, of pride, of anger, of lust, small, tiny, unrecognizable seeds, taking root in my heart and blossoming into piranha plants wanting to chomp me. I do not want to intentionally plant anymore seeds. I do not want to leave the garden of my heart vulnerable to just any gardener.
When we consume media, we consume messages, we plant seeds in our soul, and depending on the gardener, you're either going to have a beautiful garden or a dry, dying desert.
So let me give you the simple points of my last few blogs:
1. The Crush - STOP setting up false ideals. Start pointing your energy, your thoughts, your emotions, and your actions on the truly valuable people in your life, particularly your family and the people who live in the same house as you. That actor or actress, that "hottie", that superstar, that athlete, that writer, that speaker, they have not done an ounce of what these people in your home have done for you. So start giving credit to where it is due and start serving them.
I've gotten some messages saying "I love you" or "you're my crush" or my "friends have a crush on you", and it irks me that after working so hard on that post, you go and make me the unrealistic idol. I know myself better than anyone, and there's nothing impressive about me. I use the toilet just like everyone else, but bomb it unlike anyone else. I'm prone to the same temptations as any other guy, and as any other human being. I know how ugly I can be, and I'm telling you now, making me your crush shows lack of intelligence.
The real reason why I don't want you giving me your affection is because I'll fail you. I can't save you. I can't feed you. (I can barely feed myself.) I don't even know your name. How am I going to validate you?
Instead, throw everything you have at the One who loves you completely, who knows your name, and who can save you. Give your mind, will, and emotions, your strength to Jesus.
2. This Is Who You Are - Come see what I see clearly. I wrote this to define a new identity for a woman. That a woman is beautiful, special, wise, strong, irreplaceable, priceless, free, and loved, and I defined in detail what each truly means - which is very different from the definition of popular culture which was reflected in another article of mine Don't Be A B!tch.
Today's woman is pressured to walk a tightrope between being bitchy and slutty enough to be sexy yet sophisticated, dignified, intelligent, strong, and purposeful. But you can't be both. I simply wanted to say, "Get off that tight-rope." Everyone falls at some point, and it's either they fall into rebellion and live the "slut life" or into cultural respectability which is a nice word for the pride of life. Either way it's an insecure place to be. Besides, what makes one a slut? One partner? Two partners? 3? 10? 20?
Actually, technically speaking, anyone one who trades themselves for another value (such as money or position) is a slut. And we're all guilty of that.
Instead, there's the way of love. What's the way of love? It's not so much a path, but a state of being. It is walking anywhere and everywhere embraced by the One who loves you most. Who cares if people think you deserve Him? He thinks you're the greatest. Who cares if people think He should be chasing someone better? You're already His best. Who cares if He seems far away or hidden? You already know He's planning your next monthsery. (I seriously dislike that word.)
So don't live in the pressure that marketing tries to put on you. That's their job, and your job is to be wise. Your job is to run to your Lover and let Him fill you. He will fill you with more than just butterflies, He will fill you with purpose, with life, with joy, with strength, and with love.
As a guy, writing this series helped me learn something that is natural to girls, to desire to depend on the One who loves you. It helped me see what God sees clearly in me, the person He loves.
-
I hope I didn't sound too harsh. But more than that, I hope you don't miss the points of my articles. The point is this, value the right things. Chase the right things. Stop trading away your life and the treasures of your life, especially your most important relationships. You don't have to wait for your parents' funeral to realize you should have served them more. Serve them now. You don't have to wait for a divorce to realize you have to work on your marriage. Work on it now. You don't have to wait for your friendships to collapse, or for your employees to leave you, or whatever. You don't have to wait for loss to realize you shouldn't have taken things for granted. You can really chase and protect truly valuable things now.
Don't miss the point. The point is a WHO not a what. It's not a principle. It's not a place. It's not an achievement. It's a person. That person is God, yet more amazingly, His point is a person as well: it's you.
I don't want you to have a good meal, not chew it properly, and wonder why you have digestion problems. I'm hoping you'll catch the message, think through it, even think critically of it, and, if you agree, use whatever emotion it has elicited to motivate you to action.
If I conjure emotions in our souls, that we are valuable, that we are loved, that our lives have meaning, yet do not urge us to fight for our treasures, to stop trading away our love for pride, for religion, for rebellion, or for validation, I would be doing a disservice.
Principles must be applied for them to take effect. Emotions must be channeled toward truly valuable things for beautiful things to bloom.
So when I write about crushes, and about how creating unrealistic ideals and fantasies are dangerous, what I'm really saying is this:
You have something amazing waiting for you to fight for. Stop trading them away for the vicarious, for the temporary, for the easy pleasure. You'll ruin your ability to enjoy the real thing. You'll be too full with junk to accept good things. Worse, you'll be so used to junk you won't be able to recognize a good thing even if it's right in front of you. And even worse, you'll actually have an appetite for junk.
When I talk to people defending fast-food over a healthy meal, I just stay quiet. I cannot convince someone who has an appetite for junkfood that there's healthier and more satisfying food out there.
In the same way, I've found it very very difficult to convince others that many of the songs, movies, books, and mindsets our culture has adopted is crap. It's rotten crap. The reason why it's difficult is because there's an appetite for this, and very little appetite for the noble, for the praiseworthy, for the excellent.
No wonder we have so many issues. Eat junk and your body will get sick. Fill your soul with junk and you'll have a sick mind, sick emotions, and a weak will. You'll be spoiled.
If we are spoiled, if we're full of junk, we will spew junk on our relationships. From the abundance of our spoiled heart we will speak and act filth.
Most of the ugly stuff my life has produced was born out of planting the wrong seeds in my soul. Seeds of bitterness, of pride, of anger, of lust, small, tiny, unrecognizable seeds, taking root in my heart and blossoming into piranha plants wanting to chomp me. I do not want to intentionally plant anymore seeds. I do not want to leave the garden of my heart vulnerable to just any gardener.
When we consume media, we consume messages, we plant seeds in our soul, and depending on the gardener, you're either going to have a beautiful garden or a dry, dying desert.
So let me give you the simple points of my last few blogs:
1. The Crush - STOP setting up false ideals. Start pointing your energy, your thoughts, your emotions, and your actions on the truly valuable people in your life, particularly your family and the people who live in the same house as you. That actor or actress, that "hottie", that superstar, that athlete, that writer, that speaker, they have not done an ounce of what these people in your home have done for you. So start giving credit to where it is due and start serving them.
I've gotten some messages saying "I love you" or "you're my crush" or my "friends have a crush on you", and it irks me that after working so hard on that post, you go and make me the unrealistic idol. I know myself better than anyone, and there's nothing impressive about me. I use the toilet just like everyone else, but bomb it unlike anyone else. I'm prone to the same temptations as any other guy, and as any other human being. I know how ugly I can be, and I'm telling you now, making me your crush shows lack of intelligence.
The real reason why I don't want you giving me your affection is because I'll fail you. I can't save you. I can't feed you. (I can barely feed myself.) I don't even know your name. How am I going to validate you?
Instead, throw everything you have at the One who loves you completely, who knows your name, and who can save you. Give your mind, will, and emotions, your strength to Jesus.
2. This Is Who You Are - Come see what I see clearly. I wrote this to define a new identity for a woman. That a woman is beautiful, special, wise, strong, irreplaceable, priceless, free, and loved, and I defined in detail what each truly means - which is very different from the definition of popular culture which was reflected in another article of mine Don't Be A B!tch.
Today's woman is pressured to walk a tightrope between being bitchy and slutty enough to be sexy yet sophisticated, dignified, intelligent, strong, and purposeful. But you can't be both. I simply wanted to say, "Get off that tight-rope." Everyone falls at some point, and it's either they fall into rebellion and live the "slut life" or into cultural respectability which is a nice word for the pride of life. Either way it's an insecure place to be. Besides, what makes one a slut? One partner? Two partners? 3? 10? 20?
Actually, technically speaking, anyone one who trades themselves for another value (such as money or position) is a slut. And we're all guilty of that.
Instead, there's the way of love. What's the way of love? It's not so much a path, but a state of being. It is walking anywhere and everywhere embraced by the One who loves you most. Who cares if people think you deserve Him? He thinks you're the greatest. Who cares if people think He should be chasing someone better? You're already His best. Who cares if He seems far away or hidden? You already know He's planning your next monthsery. (I seriously dislike that word.)
So don't live in the pressure that marketing tries to put on you. That's their job, and your job is to be wise. Your job is to run to your Lover and let Him fill you. He will fill you with more than just butterflies, He will fill you with purpose, with life, with joy, with strength, and with love.
As a guy, writing this series helped me learn something that is natural to girls, to desire to depend on the One who loves you. It helped me see what God sees clearly in me, the person He loves.
-
I hope I didn't sound too harsh. But more than that, I hope you don't miss the points of my articles. The point is this, value the right things. Chase the right things. Stop trading away your life and the treasures of your life, especially your most important relationships. You don't have to wait for your parents' funeral to realize you should have served them more. Serve them now. You don't have to wait for a divorce to realize you have to work on your marriage. Work on it now. You don't have to wait for your friendships to collapse, or for your employees to leave you, or whatever. You don't have to wait for loss to realize you shouldn't have taken things for granted. You can really chase and protect truly valuable things now.
Don't miss the point. The point is a WHO not a what. It's not a principle. It's not a place. It's not an achievement. It's a person. That person is God, yet more amazingly, His point is a person as well: it's you.
Forgotten Redemption
Something about man, that after love has cured our desperation, we forget we were ever desperate at all, and reject the love that saved us.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
July 21, 2012
The birds sing
Aurora's welcome
Though rain's curtain
Blocks its light
The cold room
Feels warmer than my heart
I am held together
By Your love
Aurora's welcome
Though rain's curtain
Blocks its light
The cold room
Feels warmer than my heart
I am held together
By Your love
Thursday, July 19, 2012
You Are Loved
From This Is Who You Are.
I don't care what anyone says, how you feel about yourself, or how far you are from the popular ideal, I love you. No ifs, meaning no conditions. No buts, meaning no considerations. Just an appreciation for who you are, just a desire to show my affection, just an announcement that you have arrested my attention.
In a world that says, "I love you" today then forgets what it means tomorrow, I want you to know that my love will be patient, and kind, will not boast, will not be proud, nor be rude, nor seek my own benefit, nor be easily angered, nor keep a record of wrongs. You will shine as my love illuminates the dark areas of your life.
In a world that says, "I promise" then goes and breaks their honor, I want you to know that my love will not fail you. You can depend on me - but you need to wait for me, in other words trust.
In a world that says, "I believe in you" then betrays you to believe in other promises, other reports, and other fears, my love will keep you safe - even from yourself. I will always give you another chance. I will always hope for the best. I will never give up.
You're afraid because you're from that broken world of cheap love, unkept promises, and betrayed trust. You're afraid my love will fail you, and you don't want to get hurt once more.
You're most afraid because you know that you are not just from that world, you were once of that world. You have loved cheap things, given your heart to attractions of no value. You have broken your promises, leaving a trail of failed expectations. You have stopped believing that true love exists for you, you have started to doubt. You are afraid that you don't deserve my love.
My love will not fail you. In my love are the privileges of the beloved. Because I love you, you are most beautiful. Because I love you, you are most special. Because I love you, you can depend on me. Because I love you, you are irreplaceable. Because I love you, I will never let you go.
Because I love you, I will not force myself on you. You are free, even free to not choose me.
And yet, my love will not condemn you. It is freely given and it is freely kept. You did not earn it and cannot un-earn it. It is a gift. You captivated me at your worst, so surely I will stay to enjoy the sunrise you bring.
In your freedom, do not be proud. In your fear, do not run away. In your guilt, do not hide. In your pain, do not harden your heart. Instead, give me the pieces of your broken heart, let me keep it safe for you.
And here, take mine, it's yours if you'll have it.
"Why?" you ask?
Because you are my beloved. This is who you are.
Read Author's Commentary
I don't care what anyone says, how you feel about yourself, or how far you are from the popular ideal, I love you. No ifs, meaning no conditions. No buts, meaning no considerations. Just an appreciation for who you are, just a desire to show my affection, just an announcement that you have arrested my attention.
In a world that says, "I love you" today then forgets what it means tomorrow, I want you to know that my love will be patient, and kind, will not boast, will not be proud, nor be rude, nor seek my own benefit, nor be easily angered, nor keep a record of wrongs. You will shine as my love illuminates the dark areas of your life.
In a world that says, "I promise" then goes and breaks their honor, I want you to know that my love will not fail you. You can depend on me - but you need to wait for me, in other words trust.
In a world that says, "I believe in you" then betrays you to believe in other promises, other reports, and other fears, my love will keep you safe - even from yourself. I will always give you another chance. I will always hope for the best. I will never give up.
You're afraid because you're from that broken world of cheap love, unkept promises, and betrayed trust. You're afraid my love will fail you, and you don't want to get hurt once more.
You're most afraid because you know that you are not just from that world, you were once of that world. You have loved cheap things, given your heart to attractions of no value. You have broken your promises, leaving a trail of failed expectations. You have stopped believing that true love exists for you, you have started to doubt. You are afraid that you don't deserve my love.
My love will not fail you. In my love are the privileges of the beloved. Because I love you, you are most beautiful. Because I love you, you are most special. Because I love you, you can depend on me. Because I love you, you are irreplaceable. Because I love you, I will never let you go.
Because I love you, I will not force myself on you. You are free, even free to not choose me.
And yet, my love will not condemn you. It is freely given and it is freely kept. You did not earn it and cannot un-earn it. It is a gift. You captivated me at your worst, so surely I will stay to enjoy the sunrise you bring.
In your freedom, do not be proud. In your fear, do not run away. In your guilt, do not hide. In your pain, do not harden your heart. Instead, give me the pieces of your broken heart, let me keep it safe for you.
And here, take mine, it's yours if you'll have it.
"Why?" you ask?
Because you are my beloved. This is who you are.
Read Author's Commentary
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
My Changing Leadership
One of my favorite finds last year was a book entitled History Year by Year (The Ultimate Visual Guide to the Events That Shaped the World). It’s exactly what the title says it is, a chronological piecing of events from 8 Million Years Ago to the year 2011. It is incredible to see how events have impacted one another, and how immensely flawed characters have affected our lives for better or worse. I was reminded of the importance of leadership, of how whom we follow is so critical. We’ve all been told that. But another thing that became apparent as I progressed through the eras was how the nature of leadership also changed. Let me explain:
In the ancient times, when the leader, such as a king or pharaoh, wanted to build a structure like the pyramids, he would order his army to raid the surrounding tribes and bring back slaves. They would then put these slaves to work, ordering, whipping, and threatening them to do their assigned task. If they didn’t follow, they would be punished, hurt, or even killed. The leader here had absolute power and in many cases he was god. So he treated others as disposable means to fulfill his wishes. There would be pockets of reason and thought during the classical time but leaders still predominantly dictated their wishes. You do your work or you die. Every now and then, someone would lead a revolt and the leadership would change, but the system would not.
Later on, during the feudal period, people were serfs and served a lord who let them live on his land provided that they pay him tribute and taxes. The life of a serf was still pretty much a terribly impoverished existence, yet the lords, through titles, had the rights to their produce. These lords were en-titled so they expected benefits. You do your work so that you can receive your share of the goods, if you don’t, you found yourself in the dungeon or are cast off. Again, once in a while a revolt would happen but the large armies were generally successful at putting out fires.
The enlightenment of the renaissance and the revolutions would shake the idea of leading by divine right. More and more, people realized they had to take back for themselves the right to choose their own path and to pursuit a fulfilling life. It didn't make sense to live impoverished and be mistreated while the people who benefit from your work live luxuriously and excessively. Countries like the United States of America and France would be transformed into new nations under no king.
The industrial period would bring incredible productivity and speed up the pace of life significantly. People now worked for wages, wages they could use to purchase what they needed to survive. Working conditions, living standards, personal satisfaction, health, and wellbeing didn’t matter. What mattered to leaders was output and efficiency, that the worker did his task. If a worker didn’t do his job, he was fired. The argument was (and sometimes still is) "No one forced them to take this job. They can always quit."
Throughout these periods different institutions, primarily government and church (of different religions), would be the dominant powers. They would influence the way people lived in both great and terrible ways. The merchant class and the private sector would begin to rise as more people realized the merit of a system where people could, through industry and hard work, make a better living for themselves and their loved ones. And more and more, people started rejecting the idea that someone who has no valuable contribution to your life can still rule you through fear of position or perdition.
This rejection of blind following is more evident in this modern and post-modern period. I personally cannot see the wisdom of following anyone who says they know what's best for me when they know very little about me. To apply a "proven" formula to the wrong problem will lead to the wrong results. We cannot prescribe the same treatment for a diverse concerns. What makes them think they know the answer when they haven't even take the time to just listen?
What's my point?
The nature of leadership continuous to change. The flow of leadership continuous to move away from controlling kings to selfless servants. Incredibly, this was actually the model Jesus spoke about when He said that greatness comes from being the servant of all. It has moved from “I’m the authority” and “I’m right” to “how may I help you?” and “let’s build this together.” Leadership has become more relational.
Don't believe me? Look at every business category leader and you'll find a focused effort not on technology, or process, or product, or tradition, but on people, on serving the needs and desires of specific customer segments well. You’ll find more collaboration between management and staff. You’ll find more listening and feeling. Gone are the days of building pyramids with slaves and building castles with serfs. People don't want to be ruled over. They want to be led, and led to a better place. People want to follow but they don't wan't to be manipulated. People want to give. They don't want to be coerced. They don't want to be blackmailed with rejection or pain or death or hell. Life is short, and people want to be led to lead a fulfilling life.
And what makes life truly fulfilling?
In my opinion: true relationships.
My dad explains relationships very simply as this: a connection between people of trust, love, communication, and forgiveness. Healthy relationships he explained are Founded in Trust, Motivated by Love, Continually Communicate, and forgive, forgive, forgive.
That’s how we should be leading our lives. That’s how we should lead others.
I don't want to live a life caged by people's expectations. I have done my best to beat expectations and all I received in return are heavier expectations. It's not worth it. So I must manage my expectations of others.
I don't want to be in relationships where I'm a mistake away from being out. I have made mistakes. I will make mistakes - even big ones. I want to build with those who will help me overcome not desert me. So I must help others overcome.
I don't want to be controlled or manipulated or pressured to do things. I want to spend myself on things I'm passionate about and share life with people who care more about me than how well I perform. So I must not control and manipulate.
I especially don't want to be judged by people who only show interest in me when I may be in the wrong but have been absent in my moments of great need. So I must be present in the lowest moments of friends.
These realizations have changed my approach towards leading the people in my teams. It is more compassionate now, more interested in them and not just their work. There is more effort on engaging and inspiring. I try to listen more, for without listening there can be no understanding. I have learned to be more gracious with mistakes even if ultimately it costs me, knowing that investments of kindness will someday be profitable as well.
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Too Much I
A bowed head
Was once held high
Now bent low
For too much I
A proud heart
Now siphoned dry
Drained love away
For too much I
The tears fall
From none a dry eye
Regrets abound
For too much I
Was once held high
Now bent low
For too much I
A proud heart
Now siphoned dry
Drained love away
For too much I
The tears fall
From none a dry eye
Regrets abound
For too much I
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Love Is The Foolishness of Men
“Love is the foolishness of men, and the wisdom of God.”
- Victor Hugo
"Therefore the Kingdom of Heaven is like a certain king, who wanted to reconcile accounts with his servants. When he had begun to reconcile, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. But because he couldn’t pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, with his wife, his children, and all that he had, and payment to be made. The servant therefore fell down and kneeled before him, saying, ‘Lord, have patience with me, and I will repay you all!’ The lord of that servant, being moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt. "But that servant went out, and found one of his fellow servants, who owed him one hundred denarii, and he grabbed him, and took him by the throat, saying, ‘Pay me what you owe!’ "So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, ‘Have patience with me, and I will repay you!’ He would not, but went and cast him into prison, until he should pay back that which was due."
- Matthew 18:23-35
We humans are a funny lot - that's putting it mildly.
We want others to be patient and bear with us as we grow, yet we are quick to criticize, quick to show anger, quick to pronounce judgment.
We want to be accepted for who we are yet condemn others for failing to be a certain person for us.
We want the friendships that make us better, sacrificial friendships, yet we dispose people who have offended us or threaten us - proving their value to us was based on how they made us feel.
We want to be treated as important and be served yet do not show compassion to those who need it most when they need it most.
We want complete forgiveness while selectively being unforgiving.
We want true unconditional love yet we burden others with our conditions - conditions that change depending on how we're feeling.
We want our record of wrongs to be erased yet we engrave their sins, even their past sins against others, on our stone hearts and hard minds.
We do these and we call it justice, we call it wisdom, we call it survival, we call it discernment, we call it practicality, we even call it obedience sometimes. Yet at the center is fear, self-preservation and the preservation of the chosen ones (those we are comfortable with loving and forgiving). At the center is hurt or the avoidance of hurt. At the center is pride and selfishness - I am more important than him or her. What I think about him or her is more important than him or her. My protection is more important than him or her. My comfort is more important than him or her. My feelings are more important than him or her. My opinions are more important than him or her. My success is more important than him or her. My relatives are more important than the relatives of others. My friends are more important than the friends of others. My children are more important than the children of others. My beliefs are superior to the beliefs of others. My choices are better than his or her choices. My sins are not as bad as those of others.
This is the human heart. This is my heart.
And this is so far from God's.
If our stronger faith, our learning, our wisdom, and our better decision-making have made us more judgmental and less patient then we should search our hearts.
If our obedience to the law has made us more condescending and suspicious of others then we should search our hearts.
If our relationships with good people have made us less forgiving, more disdainful and less welcoming of bad people then we should search our hearts.
If our blessings and answered prayers have made us forget the prayers of others then we should search our hearts.
If our higher positions have made us look down at others then we must search our hearts.
If our kindness to others, our generosity, and our good works have made us less forgiving of the unkind and selfish then we should search our hearts.
Our hearts are never stagnant, never just in one place, it is either beating towards God or moving away. We can check our own growth by very simply asking:
"Am I more patient today?"
"Am I more kind today?"
"Am I less envious today?"
"Am I less boastful today?"
"Am I less proud today?"
"Am I more honoring of others today?"
"Am I seeking the interests of others more than my own today?"
"Am I less easily angered?"
"Am I less bitter, more forgiving, and not keeping yesterday's wrongs on record today?"
"Am I not holding on to evil, but rejoicing in the truth of God's love today?"
"Am I more protecting of others today?"
"Am I more trusting today?"
"Am I more hopeful today?"
"Am I more persevering today?"
For me, the answer is usually a resounding "NO". That is the honest truth. Yet when I turn the question back to God and ask:
"Has He been more patient with me today?" YES. He has given me another day with Him.
"Has He been more kind to me today?" YES. I'm breathing His air. Living on His planet. Enjoying His sunshine.
"Is He less envious?" Was He ever envious? He has never zapped any of the girls I liked. In fact, He loves them more than me.
"Has He boasted less today?" He never has. His works boast of His greatness and those who know Him boast of His love, yet all He ever tells me is how much He loves me.
"Has He been proud towards me?" NO. On the contrary, He made Himself lower than me by taking my sins once and for all.
"Has been honoring towards me." YES. More than I deserve. He has taken a dishonorable man like me and honored me with His loving kindness.
"Has He been self-seeking?" NO. He has been seeking me. He has been self-giving.
"Has He been easily angered with me?" NO. He has been forgiving. He has been patient with my continuous faults. He has been gracious.
"Has He kept a record of my wrongs?" NO. He has taken them upon Himself and paid my price. He has erased my debt.
"Has He rejoiced in my evil?" NO. He has brought the Truth of His love: the Gospel, the Good News, that Jesus died for my sins.
"Has He protected me today?" YES. He has protected me from my sins, from my wrong choices and the wrong choices of others. He has used my hurt to build my character, to strengthen me. He has protected me with His love.
"Has He trusted me?" YES. More than I deserve. I have let Him down, yet He continuous to entrust me with time on this planet, with relationships with people, those He loves most, with His purpose for me.
"Does He still hope for me?" YES. He continues to work in me to realize His plan and purpose in my life.
"Does He persevere with me?" YES. Despite my stubbornness, He doesn't give up. He is faithful. He perseveres in His love.
The greater our understanding of God's love, the greater the love we will show others.
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In The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant, the servant owed the King the equivalent $3,000,000,000 USD. Yet the King forgave all His debt. This shows the absurdity of God's love - the love He wants us to show others.
The servant had a debtor, someone who wronged him, someone who owed him, someone he felt he had the right to collect from, and when that person couldn't pay, he condemned him to prison. How much did this person owe the servant? The equivalent of $1000.
He had been forgiven $3,000,000,000 yet he could not forgive $1000.
Again, this is my heart. I have banished others to the prison of my bitterness for $1000, maybe even the $1,000,000 offense against me. Yet, God has forgiven my $3,000,000,000 debt.
I don't want to get what I deserve. I want to get better than I deserve - and I have in Jesus. I must treat others better than they deserve.
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We humans are a funny lot - we are a selfish lot. Because of this we cannot embrace fully that His wisdom is summed up in His love. Proof of this is our inability to love - especially those who threaten us, the ones who need our love most.
We humans are a funny lot - we are a selfish lot - we are a rotten lot - we are a proud lot - yet we are loved - so we are forgiven - so we are a redeemed - so we are blessed - again, how great have we been loved - so we can love.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
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