Aftermath

I really like this song. The lyrics help me remember how I was saved.

 

I Know You

I don't know what's ahead
So many hopes now dead
I don't know how to face
The darkness, the nights, the days
Which of Your are promise are true?
All my plans seem to fall through
Yet I know You
Your love is true
I'll trust in You
You make things new

It Is Finished

I picture Your body
Nailed to that tree
I imagine the pain
That set captives free
It is finished
It is finished

I think of the curses
Hurled unjustly at thee
As you were abandoned
Punished for me
It is finished
It is finished

Yet You rose high
After paying my debt
Death could not stop You
My salvation is set
It is finished
It is finished

Morning Prayer

...I challenge you to begin each morning with a prayer that goes something like this: "Father, I want You to guide me and lead me today. Speak to my heart. Make me sensitive to Your promptings and to what is happening around me in the lives of those I meet. Fill me with Your supernatural joy, and use me today for Your purposes. I surrender fully to You." - Charles F. Stanley

Who Am I?

This is from the play of one of the most amazing stories ever written, Les Miserables by Victor Hugo. In this scene, Jean Valjean is deciding whether to turn himself in for crimes he committed many years back because someone else was mistakenly thought to be him and about to be punished. It captures a familiar struggle we all face as we try to live a good live.

I especially like the part:

"My soul belongs to God, I know
I made that bargain long ago
He gave me hope when hope was gone
He gave me strength to journey on"

Waste

What we waste, we waste for ourselves and for others.

I Wonder

I always find myself wondering. Wondering about many things people have told me are not worth wondering about. “Why think about it when you can’t use it?” I’ve heard often. Usually what they say “can’t use it”, they mean it won’t make me any money or won’t impress anyone.

I don’t have a lot of money and don’t have any ambitions of becoming filthy rich. I’m not impressive and have no desire to impress anyone either. My goal is not wealth, power, respect, attention, luxury, or even security. My goal is to live a life embracing, cultivating, and protecting the relationships I truly value, starting with my relationship with my Father in Heaven. Money and respect are great, and they’ll definitely help me in pursuing my goals, but they will never be the goal. So, while I understand the importance and advantages of resource and reputation, these are tools to me, like a hammer and wrench, not ends. My goal is not to have a lot of hammers, but to build a house, even more, to have a home.

So why wonder about all these seemingly useless questions? Because in the search for answers a thousand stories come alive. It’s like when a kid asks his parents, “Where did I come from?”, and, boom, there’s the stork, the birds and the bees, and other amusing illustrations. Then there are other questions. “What’s a stork?”, “Where does he pick the babies up from?”, “What’s a bee?”, “Where does the bee come from?”, and the never ending hows and whys.

This is why we learn so much as children. From age of 0-20 we learn a language or two, or even more. We learn incredible physical capabilities such as walking, running, and rolling, We learn expressions. We learn basic and complex math, science, arts. We learn systems and ways of living in society. Yet when we start our jobs, most of us only learn how to make money, how to make ends meet, how to impress other people. From 20 – 75 or even 100, for most people, there will be no new languages, no new instruments, or new subjects - all because we stopped wondering. Why do we stop? My guesses are: probably indifference, we stop caring about the things that don’t matter – which, like I said, don’t make money or impress, or maybe pride, we think we know enough or have enough, or maybe even intimdation, we think certain things are beyond us.

So let me set you free from these mindsets:
1. Stop not caring. Be curious about everything again. There’s more to life than making money, buying stuff, going places, and impressing people. Like what? Like running in the rain for example. Try it the next time it rains. That’s free and freeing.

2. Stop being proud. Be like a child with nothing to prove and everything to discover. No one knows it all. There are geniuses. There are very informed people. But no one, not even polymaths, knows everything about everything.

3. Stop being intimated. Be brave. Go ask. No one has a monopoly on learning. You can learn no matter who you are, no matter how little or much money you have, or how high or low your grades were, or what language you speak, village you live in, school you studied in. You have a question in your head, keep asking and looking for the answer. You’ll find it. When you find it, share it, there are others who may be asking a similar question.

This leads me to my next post: What Makes Stars Shine.

Wounded and Broken Spirits

Author: John Coblentz; Source: June 1998 newsletter of Deeper Life Ministries.

In the Bible we read about a "wounded spirit" and also about a "broken spirit." In some ways the meaning of these two terms is similar. Both terms indicate distress. It is possible even that one person may have a wounded spirit in response to the same situation that results in a broken spirit for another person.

But the two terms stand in contrast. First let's consider how they are used in Scripture.

"The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity; but a wounded spirit who can bear?" (Proverbs 18:14). The same Hebrew word is translated broken in Proverbs 17:22, where we read, "...a broken spirit drieth the bones." The Hebrew word literally means "stricken." In both verses the NIV says "a crushed spirit."

A wounded spirit is one that is hurting, but one in which the hurt has festered into unbearable attitudes and responses. A person with a wounded spirit lives in inner misery that focuses regularly on his injuries. Out of this focus come the following "unbearable" characteristics:

A negative mind-set. The person with a wounded spirit is preoccupied with past injuries. He views incidents in life in the worst light. He sees the bad and ignores the good. His mind is filled with woes, suspicion, and assumption of evil.

Victim reasoning. With a wounded spirit, a person views himself as a sufferer. He can turn even kind actions of others into additional grievances, into added pain in his life. He is pleased when others notice his misery, and hurt when they do not.

Grievance mannerisms. Out of a wounded spirit come sighs, groans, and exclamations that draw attention to the hurt. There is body language such as shaking the head, throwing dark looks, facial misery, and slumped shoulders.

Blame tactics. A person with a wounded spirit holds other people responsible for the misery in his life. In truth, others may have done him wrong, but those wrongs become the means of blaming others. The wounded spirit is able to cough up old injuries no matter what the present subject. The stories that are told put others in the worst light. In addition to direct blame, there are ways of insinuating--giving details in such a way that worse is implied.

Is it any wonder the proverb exclaims, "A wounded spirit, who can bear!" Out of the wound oozes the stench of self-pity, bitterness, and accusation.

In contrast to this is the broken spirit. "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise" (Psalm 51:17).

The Hebrew word translated broken is a strong word. It means "wrecked, shattered, even crippled or maimed." The Lord delights in the person with a broken spirit. In Psalm 51, characteristics associated with such brokenness include:

Acknowledgment of wrong. A person with a broken spirit does not make excuses or blame others. He takes full responsibility for his wrongdoing.
Contrition. A broken spirit produces genuine sorrow.
Humility. Self-will has been shattered. There is no attempt to lift oneself up.

Seeking after God. The person with a broken spirit has faced his own poverty and sin. He has no righteousness of his own to promote, but rather, he seeks to know God.

Teachability. He is done with his own answers to life and is ready to turn to the Lord for help. He does not want his problem explained or justified; instead, he wants help to change.

Unworthiness. The person who is broken is spirit does not demand, he asks. His focus is not on getting all that he deserves because he knows he has been spared from what he really deserves. He is grateful instead of complaining. He has tasted mercy, and he is done with demanding rights.

Much as a wounded spirit makes a person difficult to live with, a broken spirit makes a person a joy to be around. He has a tenderness in manner, a gratitude for what others do, a humility about himself, and a gentleness in relating to others who have faults.

God heals the broken-hearted. He declares that He will dwell "with him also that is of a contrite and humble spirit" (Isaiah 57:15). When we experience brokenness and the blessings that follow, we wonder why we resisted such joy and freedom for so long.

I am told that one village that received the Gospel for the first time and experienced genuine brokenness began the custom of greeting one another, "Do I meet you broken, brother?" Perhaps this would be a good practice to begin.

It Is Pride that Prevents Us

It not wrong that severs ties, it is unforgiveness. It is not time that makes friendships stale, it's familiarity. It is not disappointment that hurts restoration, it is pride - To think, that we are so right, and others so wrong. It is not pain that causes defeat, it is surrender. Our relationships deteriorate when we surrender more to our pride.

Inevitable Victory

I've never seen anyone keep doing something and not get good at it. Trials make us keep fighting. Defeats make us keep rising. There is hope, that even as the storms of life don't stop,  we are getting better and better at defeating them.

Goodbye Constants

Sometimes a post is the product of days and months of study, reflection, writing, editing, re-writing, and so on. I regularly read through old posts and correct and edit as necessary. Even my own views do need adjusting - a lot of adjusting actually. I'm grateful for the edit button. For major changes, I usually dedicate a post to it, such as my turn from chauvinism to describing an identity for women that has been culturally forgotten in the series: This Is Who You Are, or with my non-expert views on relationships in the series It's About A What's Most Important.

But sometimes a simple thought or sight, or picture, or an event, or even just a single word can trigger a piece. This is one such example. For this particular post, it started while I was answering messages and comments on my blog, and it seems The Crush post and This Is Who You Are has resonated with more than a few of you - for some, it resonated too much.

Again, I don't want anyone to make this mistake that I'm some great guy. The only reason why people think so is because they don't know me well enough. if you were to ask me for a name of a girl who really likes me I'd probably only be able to give you one: my mom. I don't know a single girl who can stand me for long periods of time, what more a lifetime? It's just not worth discussing.

And once again, I want to direct your attention elsewhere. It's not because I'm allergic to girls liking me. It's that I would rather people pour their affection into someone who they truly love (not just some crush they'll drop when there's a replacement person or activity).

Besides, I don't want to be a fake ideal. I'm fake enough.

Give your affection to people you truly love, the ones you'll cry buckets over when they die (and I'm not talking about movie stars or royalty who don't even know you exist), the ones whose presence you'll truly miss, who's kindness and generosity cannot be forgotten, the ones who, when you remember them, actually involve you sharing life together.

Give your affection to the very real people around you in your home. They need your love too - they need it more than I do. They especially need it more than your magazine crush.

Also, give your affection to the people who truly love you. Many times, when we step back and really look at our relationships - and this is something I recommend - we'll find that people we're suppose to love most, the ones we already truly love most at the bottom of our hearts, are also the ones who love us most such as our family and friends.

When we honestly ask ourselves, "Am I showing them true love?" the answer for us is usually, "I can do better." So why wait for a better time to do better?

It's easy to take for granted the constant presence of someone who loves you. 

It's easy to take it for granted because that kind of love is always there. The more unconditional the love, the more real it is in every day life because it is faithful and persevering even in the small things.

Look at the most reliable things that sustain us, the air we breathe, the warmth of the sun, the turning of the Earth, all critical things that happen each day that most of us have forgotten how remarkable they are.

The constant things in life are the easiest to take for granted. 

Yet, when that constant fails, when the air is polluted, when the sun is clouded out, and when the Earth quakes, we are shaken to the core and realize just how lucky we were to have those constants. We pray for their return.

Our families are a good example. There will come a day when we wake up and they won't be around. They'll be dead, or we would have moved, or some change that keeps us apart has happened. Someday, we ourselves will be dead and will leave loved ones behind. Yet, when we think of constant love, the kind that provides, and guides, and protects, you'll be hard-pressed to find anyone more proven than the family you share a home with. Let's not take this constant for granted.

Just because someone has always loved you, doesn't mean they always will or they always can. People do die. Time does run out. Relationships are always moving. We're either moving closer or further away. And the more constant love is, the more real the danger of familiarity - that first step towards taking something for granted.

This is where your affection belongs, not to me, or to some celebrity, or inspirational person, but to the people who need your constant love and who constantly love you.

Most of all, give your affection to Jesus. I have been reading from the book of Jeremiah the past few days, and in Jeremiah 31:3, there is a beautiful verse that goes, "The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness."

Everlasting love. What a thought. Even when I am unfaithful, He is faithful.

In the constancy of His love, I have many many times taken Him for granted. More than that, I have hurt Him, on purpose too I'll admit. That's what it means when I choose to be proud, or lustful, or unforgiving. It means that I choose to hurt Him.

The constancy of His love shows me how far I am, how much improvement I need, how much I lack. Yet, that same constant love, shows me that I'm loved the way I am and that His love makes me better.

Each day, I have a choice, to embrace constant love or take it for granted, until that final day when I may no longer choose, and that which I have embraced is what I am left with.

Coward

To die in order to avoid the pains of poverty, love, or anything that is disagreeable, is not the part of a brave man, but of a coward. 
-Aristotle.

Broken Song

By Rabindranath Tagore

Kasinath the new young singer fills the hall with sound:
The seven notes dance in his throat like seven tame birds.
His voice is a sharp sword slicing and thrusting everywhere,
It darts like lightening - no knowing where it will go when.
He sets deadly traps for himself, then cuts them away:
The courtiers listen in amazement, give frequent gasps of praise.
Only the old king Pratap Ray sits like wood, unmoved.
Haraj Lal is the only singer he likes, all others leave him cold.
From childhood he has spent so long listening to him sing -
Rag Kafi during holi, cloud-songs during the rains,
Songs for Durga at dawn in autumn, songs to bid her farewell -
His heart swelled when he heard them and his eyes swam with tears.
And on days when friends gathered and filled the hall
There were cowherds' songs of Krsna, in raags Bhupali and Multan.

So many nights of wedding-festivity have passed in that royal house:
Servants dressed in red, hundreds of lamps alight:
The bridegroom sitting shyly in his finery and jewels,
Young friends teasing him and whispering in his ear:
Before him, singing raag Sahana, sits Baraj Lal.
The king's heart is full of all those days and songs.
When he hears some other singer, he feels no chord inside,
No sudden magical awakening of memories of the past.
When Pratap Ray watches Kasinath he just sees his wagging head:
Tune after tune after tune, bu none with any echo in the heart.

Kasinath asks for a rest and the singing stops for a space.
Pratap Ray smilingly turns his eyes to Baraj Lal.
He puts his mouth to his ear and says, 'Dear ustad,
Give us a song as songs ought to be, this is no song at all.
It's all tricks and games, like a cat hunting a bird.
We used to hear songs in the old days, today they have no idea.'

Old Baraj Lal, white-haired, white turban on his head,
Bows to the assembled courtiers and slowly takes his seat.
He takes the tanpura in his wasted, heavily veined hand
And with lowered head and closed eyes begins raag Yaman-kalyap.
His quavering voice is swallowed by the enormous hall,
Is like a tiny bird in a storm, unable to fly for all it tries.
Pratap Ray, sitting to the left, encourages him again and again:
'Superb, bravo!' he says in his ear, 'sing out loud.'

The courtiers are inattentive, some whisper amongst themselves,
Some of them yawn, some doze, some go off to their rooms;
Some of them call to servants, 'Bring the bookah, bring some pan.'
Some fan themselves furiously and complain of the heat.
They cannot keep still for a minute, they shuffle or walk about -
The hall was quiet before, but every sort of noise has grown.
The old man's singing is swamped, like a frail boat in a typhoon:
Only his shaky fingering of the tanpura shows it is there.

Music that should rise on its own joy from the depths of the heart
Is crushed by heedless clamour, like a fountain under a stone.
The song and Baraj Lal's feelings go separate ways,
But he sings for all he is worth, to keep up the honour of his king.

One of the verses of the song has somehow slipped from his mind.
He quickly goes back, tries to get it right this time.
Again he forgets, it is lost, he shakes his head at the shame;
He starts the song at the beginning - again he has to stop.
His hand trembles doubly as he prays to his teachers name.
His voice quakes with distress, like a lamp guttering in a breeze.
He abandons the words of the song and tries to salvage the tune,
But suddenly his wide-mouthed singing breaks into loud cries.
The intricate melody goes to the winds, the rhythm is swept away -
Tears snap the thread of the song, cascade like pearls.
In shame he rests his head on the old tanpura in his lap -
He has failed to remember a song: he weeps as he did as a child.
With brimming eyes king Pratap Ray tenderly touches his friend:
'Come, let us go from here,' he says with kindness and love.
They leave that festive hall with its hundreds of blinding lights.
The two old friends go outside, holding each other's hands.

Baraj says with hands clasped, 'Master, our days are gone.
New men have come now, new styles and customs in the world.
The court we kept is deserted - only the two of us are left.
Don't ask anyone to listen to me now, I beg you at your feet, my lord.
The singer along does not make a song, there has to be someone who hears:
One man opens his throat to sing, the other sings in his mind.
Only when waves fall on the shore do they make a harmonious sound;
Only when breezes shake the woods do we hear a rustling in the leaves.
Only from a marriage of two forces does music arise in the world.
Where there is no love, where listeners are dumb, there never can be song.'

Tomorrow

There are times when the past makes me miss better days and the present makes me tired. So I look to the future, where that which must be is waiting.

The Lies That Reassure Us

"Myths are ideas that own and govern us by means that are not logical but psychological, and therefore are rooted in the depths of our soul. These are ideas that we have mythologized because they give no problems, they facilitate judgment; in a word, they reassure us."


"myths prevent us from deeply understanding the world ... we must therefore put our myths under critical scrutiny..."

- Umberto Galimberti, The Myths of Our Time