Goodbye 2012: Lessons on Life, Loss, and Love

First of all, I would like to wish you all a very very Happy New Year! I know 2013 will be the best year yet - though this will not happen by accident nor mere chance. Yes, there will be miracles, unexpected serendipities, but where we find ourselves has mostly to do with what direction we choose and the steps we take. The seeds we have planted in our hearts will inevitably bloom into actions, and then the fruit of our lives will reveal us for who we truly are. I've learned that there is no need to strive to prove oneself, the fruit of my life will communicate everything I want and do not want others to know.

Fruits are natural outcomes. A farmer's control over the fruit comes in only two ways:
1. through the seed he plants (or allows others to plant)
2. through his cultivation (or the cultivation of others)

This 2013, I hope you will be vigilant about the seeds you plant in your life by choosing wisely the sites, the books, the shows, the music, the advice, the opinions, the food, and whatever else you consume. What you plant and cultivate in your physical body will dictate the fruit of your body. What you plant and cultivate in your emotional self will dictate your emotional fruit. What you plant and cultivate in your mind will dictate your intellectual fruit. What you plant and cultivate in your spirit will dictate your spiritual fruit.

All of my life's regrets have come from planting and cultivating the wrong things in my heart. Unless I want more of the same, I need to change the seeds I plant, I need to change what I cultivate.

It isn't rocket science.


Now, without further ado, my lessons learned on life, loss, and love.



 Life 

“I know, but no matter what I choose I have to live with it. Forever. I have to be able to go forward and not look back anymore. Can you understand that?” 
- The Notebook


More isn't always better, Linus. Sometimes it's just more.
- Sabrina


“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” 
- Albert Einstein


Life is a beautiful gift from God. Our time on Earth is a precious moment that is hopefully filled with thousands of other precious moments. My dad always told my brothers and I, that every day was like a train loading cargo, every hour represented a box car, when that box car passed we couldn't store anything anymore. It was gone forever. He taught us to make the most of our time, because someday our train would arrive, and what we are left with are the things we stored in times past. "So make the most of your time", he would say.

I know now what it means to make the most of my time. And it started by realizing what living a beautiful life IS NOT.

The beautiful life is not about the length of my days, but that faith, hope, and love fill my everyday.

It isn't about living the prescribed life of the world, but realizing, and hopefully realizing sooner than later, that the life I have means the world - I need to cherish each day.

It is not about valuing the amassing of amounts, but about whether we are amassing amounts of true value.
- More lovers do not mean more love (it may mean more baggage)
- More food does not mean more satisfaction (it may mean for fat)
- More money does not mean more security (it may mean more inequality)
- More power does not mean more freedom (it may mean more corruption)
- More experience does not mean more fulfilment (it may mean more jadedness)
- More recognition does not mean more identity (it may mean more pride - which is insecurity)
- More laughter does not mean more joy (it may mean more superficiality)
- More friends do not mean more approval (it may mean more phoneys)
- More activity does not mean more success (it may mean more stress)
- More pomp does not mean more meaning (it may mean more mirages)

It is best to learn this early.

The beautiful life is not about avoiding suffering, but about finding something, someone, worth suffering for.

A beautiful life is not a search for one's self, but about seeking to love others and in the process finding myself.

A beautiful life is not about butterflies in my stomach, but about commitment that does not flutter away.

The beautiful life is not about the being able to do whatever I want, when I want, how I want, why I want, but about finding freedom in the boundaries of exclusive intimacy.

More on a beautiful life coming up, please read on...


 Loss 
“The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected. Maybe they always have been and will be. Maybe we've lived a thousand lives before this one and in each of them we've found each other. And maybe each time, we've been forced apart for the same reasons. That means that this goodbye is both a goodbye for the past ten thousand years and a prelude to what will come.” 
- The Notebook 


You know what's wrong with you, Miss Whoever-you-are? You're chicken, you've got no guts. You're afraid to stick out your chin and say, "Okay, life's a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that's the only chance anybody's got for real happiness." You call yourself a free spirit, a "wild thing," and you're terrified somebody's gonna stick you in a cage. Well baby, you're already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it's not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somali-land. It's wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself. 

[takes out the ring and throws it in Holly's lap]

Here. I've been carrying this thing around for months. I don't want it anymore.
- Paul Varjak, Breakfast at Tiffany's


Rosebushes and other plants produce more buds than the plant can sustain. The plant has enough life and resources to feed and nurture only so many buds to their full potential; it can't bring all of them to full bloom. In order for the bush to thrive, a certain number of buds have to go...

He (the caretaker) prunes them...

...You have to know the standard you are pruning towards
- Henry Cloud


I don't particularly like endings, especially when it's the end of a good story. But every story has to end at some point, in one way or another, and it's really so that a new one can begin - hopefully, if we choose right, a more beautiful story. Our lives don't have to be like a movie series, always a comedy, or always a romance, or always a horror story, and each sequel just more of the same.

Why settle when your life can be an epic?

Whether the end comes because of necessity or choice, here are some of my thoughts on loss:

- When you prune a bud from a bush it is pruned forever.

- It is not just about pruning, but about knowing what I am pruning towards. If I prune every time there is  trouble, pain, risk, or threat, without knowing what I am pruning to become, I run the risk of pruning forever what could have been a beautiful rose.

- If my life is looking like  some badly written, badly produced, badly casted, badly directed, badly acted, badly edited movie that is badly received - I need to change the writer, change the producer, change the cast, change the director, change my acting and my co-actors, and change the editor. I need to lose them and it is a good loss.

- The loss of a man (or woman) who has lived a beautiful life will be beautifully remembered. Though sad, his memory will bring up gratitude. It's the opposite for those who live selfishly. Their memory will be resented.

- If we are always losing in the same way, then it's maybe time we played a different way, or maybe it's time we played a different game.

- The worst reasons to lose are because of pride and fear. The best reasons to let go are faith, hope, and love - and interestingly, they are also the best reasons to hold on.

- How do we know if we should hold on or let go? Ask yourself, "Is my holding on because of faith, hope, and love?" If it is not, let go.

- Ask yourself too, "Is my letting go because of faith, hope, and love?" If it is not, hold on until you have clarity. Like I said earlier, once you prune a bud from a bush, it is pruned forever.

- The dead cannot hear our words. Don't wait until it's too late to say and do the things you need to do. Too late is when our time with a person has run out, when it is now impossible for them to receive from us.

 - Always, always, always make sure, that when you say goodbye, you left that life better than when you said hello.

Losses usually come as bad news, but the good news is coming up. I told you, more on a beautiful life. Please read on...


 Love 

“She would tell him what she wanted in her life--her hopes and dreams for the future--and he would listen intently and then promise to make it all come true. And the way he said it made her believe him, and she knew how much he meant to her.”


“You and I were different. We came from different worlds, and yet you were the one who taught me the value of love. You showed me what it was like to care for another, and I am better because of it. I don't want you to ever forget that.”
- The Notebook



I love you, Lord, and I lift my voice
To worship you, Oh my soul rejoice!
Take joy, my King, in what you hear
May it be a sweet, sweet sound in your ear

Let's go anywhere, as long as I'm with you.
- My mother, Marie Bonifacio, to my dad

I've learned a lot this year. Admittedly, mostly from my mistakes - which I think is the absolutely worst way to learn because it's so very painful. But we must learn one way or another, and stubborn people like me sometimes have to really get knocked hard. Part of the learning process is losing things. That's the reality. I always question people who say that the end result of correcting something is that it is restored back as if nothing happened. Anyone who lives in the real world knows that's not true. That's why there are things called mistakes, and that's why we avoid them as much as we can. When we make them, we learn, we move, and if moving on means a return, then great. If it means a complete change, great as well. What's important is that you learn.

And the three greatest lessons I learned this year are:

1. Love what's true

2. Truly love

We need both for a meaningful life.

We look for love for a reason. It is because we know, even the most simple-minded of us understands, that what gives existence meaning is to love and be loved. That's not the problem.

The first problem is when we love lies. We love masks. We love ideas. We love concepts. We love scripts. We love set designs. We love fabricated people and they love a fabricated us. We love best feet forward. We love fleeting feelings. We love the idea of love more than living a life of love, and every day, every chance we get to manufacture that feeling, with something, with someone, with whoever, we take our chance. 

As I've come to realize, we are prostitutes walking up and down an alley, waiting for the best offer, and when the transaction ends, on to the next customer, on to the next deal, on to the next exchange. We keep going and going and going until it is the only life we know.

We are Holly Golightly.

This leads us to the second problem. Because we have loved lies, we are inevitably let down, we are disappointed, hurt, frustrated, confused, perplexed. We ask ourselves, "How did that happen? It felt so real?", so we try again, then the same thing happens, and again, and with each time we hold a little more back for ourselves, we put up walls, we put on armour, and that's the second problem, we no longer truly love. Why? With each hurt we become more afraid, and this also hits our pride, "Am I really this cheap? Am I really this worthless?"

We cannot truly love if our choices are dictated by our pride and fear. Just as in business, when we shortchange others we really shortchange ourselves.

Where is the hope?

I told you there were three lessons: 

He answered: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind..."
(From Luke 10:27)

Here's the big lesson of 2012:

LOVE GOD - He is true. He is as true as anything can be. He IS truth. 

LOVE GOD TRULY - love Him with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind.

I don't care what your experience is with life, with loss, and with love, if you will turn away from the lies you love, if you will gaze upon the beauty of God, and if you will love Him, without reservations, without excuses, without big and tiny infidelities, with all your soul (your emotions, your will), all your strength (your energy), and with all your mind (your thinking, your ideas), 2013, and every year forward will get more beautiful and more beautiful.

Maybe all the lessons of my life were meant to teach me this one thing. I'm so very happy I finally learned it.

I wish you a blessed 2013!

True Happiness by Timothy Keller

To My Brother On The Day of His Proposal

To my brother, the brave one
As you take this step to behold
Eternity's preview on Earth:
A love to have and hold
May God meet you at each point
May His favor envelope
Let Him prove Himself faithful
He is our unfailing hope

I Found My Blue Sky - Goodbye

From my story, I Found My Blue Sky.

Last night

Our last night

I wished on

Our last star

I wished for you

Goodbye...

So as I watch her drift away from me, I watch with the same joy that the end of the day brings: that as the sun sets a gratefulness wells-up at being privileged to even be a witness.

- I Found My Blue Sky

The Cracks

"Stay on this road. You'll be safe here. You'll be safe together."

Abe's instructions remained in my head, though his voice no longer sounded reassuring. There's something about the present that alters the original memory depending on what one is currently facing.

Abe had left us to "attend to something", and we had stayed on the road. Yet it had gotten drier and drier, scorching during the day, freezing at night. It did not feel safe at all. In fact, it felt dangerous.

The road was cracked path of parched dirt, though it remained a straight line.

I could see the toll this quest was taking on Sam too. She was still pretty to look at, the prettiest view in my opinion, but she was changing, and changing fast. I could see the doubt in her eyes. I noticed the hardening behind her smile. I felt myself powerless to reverse what was happening. I only prayed that our difficulties would give way to greener pastures.

"Do you know where you're going?" Sam asked me from behind.

"No." I had to admit. "But Abe said to stay on this road."

"How do you know this is still the same road? It's such an ugly road."

"Abe said the road was a straight line. And it lines up pointing to the North Star. I check the sky every night. This is the road."

"How do you know you're not imagining things? I find myself imagining food and beaches and parties all day. I hate this heat."

Sam never used to speak this way. So I turned and looked at her.

"Sam, what's wrong?"

"What's wrong? David, look around you. This whole place is wrong." Tears started to fall down her face. "I'm tired, David. I'm tired. It's like we're walking to nowhere. And we're walking, walking, walking, walking, and everything around us is drying up. We're alone in this ugly place. We're running out of food, of water. I'm not made for something like this. Why did you take me here?"

That last question stung. "I thought you wanted to go on this quest with me."

"I did."

"You did?" I asked stung even more.

"I mean, I do. I do, David. I'm sorry. I'm just having a hard time. I do. I do."

"I'm sorry it's getting hard Sam. But things will get better. Remember that rose you were growing in your backyard? Remember how long we waited for that to grow and all of a sudden it just popped up? Do you remember?"

"A little. I don't remember a lot right now."

"Sam, look at me. We're going to make it. This is going to get better. Trust me."

"I sure hope so."

"You don't believe me?"

"Ok. I trust you." But I knew she no longer did, at least not fully.

"Things are going to get better for us. I promise." I told her with as much confidence as I could muster. "Things are going to get better."

"What's your assurance?"

"I'll find a way. I love you." I don't know why I said that but the words just came out.

"I don't believe you." she replied.

Just silence after that.

The Fox

That night, tired and exhausted, while settling to eat, Sam announced, "I was looking at our supplies, and other than my honey, this is the last of our food. This is our last meal."

"Why are you only telling me now?" I irritatedly told her.

"I didn't realize we had so little! You're the one who kept talking about traveling light!" she shot back.

"Ok. Let's figure this out. Maybe I can find something tomorrow."

"In this desert? We haven't seen a plant, an animal, a lake, or anything. There's nothing here!"

"I'll find something! Your whining won't help!"

She started to cry again. It seemed she was always crying. Even as we walked I could hear her sobbing to herself. And when I would ask her if she was fine, she would wipe her face, and smile at me.

I had a lot to learn about females. I still do.

"Maybe I can be of assistance." a low, smooth, and confident voice spoke out of nowhere.

Sam jumped behind me, and I grabbed the rifle Abe had left with me, pointing it at the direction of the voice. "Who's there?"

"Don't be afraid. I only want to help. I heard you lady crying, and I thought she'd like something to feel better." the voice said from the darkness.

"Show yourself!" I shouted.

"As you wish." and out of the shadow walked a stately fox with the most beautiful pelt of fur I have ever seen on an animal. "Hello there. My name is Fox. Would you both like to eat?"

I don't know what it was about the fox but I did not like him immediately.

"You have something to eat?" Sam asked excitedly.

"Yes. Lots to eat. What would you like?"

"You mean I can choose?"

"Of course you can choose! Where have you been? You're acting like you've been traveling on a ration!"

"Well, we have been..." Sam said embarrassed.

"Oh excuse my rudeness" the fox said. "I did not know you were. But if you'd like, I can take you somewhere with the finest choices of food."

"Really? We've been eating so little. I've been dreaming of a feast!" Sam said, getting more excited.

"Then tonight, your dreams come true!" The fox proclaimed.

"Who are you?" I said, still aiming the gun at him.

"David, don't be so paranoid! He is offering us food! Have you not heard what he just said?? He has a feast!" Sam scolded.

"I don't trust him."

"You don't trust anyone. You don't trust anyone but Abe. You don't even trust me!"

"Where did that come from?" I asked surprised.

"It doesn't matter. But I'm hungry. I can't go on hungry. I can't go on not knowing whether tomorrow will be full or empty. I can't go on this way."

"You don't have to." the fox interrupted. "Where are you two going anyway?"

"To who knows where" I told him.

"To who knows where? How very interesting. You're taking a journey to a place you don't know. Moreover, you're going to a  place to where NO ONE knows. Ha!" the fox mocked.

"Abe knows where we're going!" I shot back.

"And who is Abe? Is there someone else here? I don't see anyone."

"Abe's our guide." I answered.

"So much for a guide. He must be an invisible guide."

"He said he had something to do."

"I'm sure." the fox dismissed. "Anyway, you're welcome to join me. I'm hungry. I must go and eat." He looked at Sam as he said this.

"David, let's go with him. I'm so hungry. Aren't you?"

"I am."

"Let's go then."

"Abe said to stay on the road Sam. I told him we'd stay."

"Abe hasn't returned in months. We don't know if he'll ever return."

"Don't say that. You're acting like you don't know him. You know he doesn't lie."

"I'm not saying he lied. But what if something happened to him. What if he didn't mean things. You know how he can be confusing. I mean, even our destination, Who Knows Where, what kind of a destination is that?"

"Sam, please. Don't go there."

"Why not? I've been walking this road with you and look where we are now? We have nothing. We're dying. We're killing ourselves on this road!"

"Listen to me Sam. I don't trust this fox."

"I have been listening to you. Look where we are! You don't trust anyone!"

Then the fox interrupted our argument, "Is that honey I smell?"

"Yes it is." Sam answered.

"May I try? Honey is my absolute favorite!"

"It is? Sure." Sam bent and fed a spoon to the fox.

"Heavenly. Just heavenly. Your honey is the most exquisite I've tasted. You must take this to our feast!"

"You really like it??"

"I adore it. Everyone will adore it too for sure!"

"Everyone? Who is everyone?"

"It's a feast my lady! A feast! Everyone who is anyone will be there. They will all adore your honey."

I aimed the gun at the fox and prepared to shoot. 

"David, put the gun down!" Sam shouted.

"I don't trust him. He's a liar."

And Sam did something I never expected, a moment I can never forget, she stood between me and the fox, and pointed the barrel on her chest. "David, I won't let you. Enough. There's a feast waiting and you want to shoot our host. Let's stop this and go eat."

"Abe said to stay on the road." I said, lowering the rifle.

"Enough of this road! Enough of Abe. Enough of this quest. Enough! Enough! Enough!" Sam fell to her knees crying. "Enough. Enough. Enough." she sobbed.

"My beautiful girl. You shouldn't be crying. You're far too beautiful to be crying." The fox started to sing her a song as his tail wiped her tears.

Leave this desert of tears

Come swim in the ocean of love

Bring your honey, your soul

Come swim in the ocean of love

No need to hunger, no need to fear

Come swim in the ocean of love

No need to wonder, no need to ask

Come swim in the ocean of love

No need to journey, no need to try

Come with me to the ocean of love

I bent down beside Sam.

"Get away from me, David. I need to be alone."

I kicked the fox away, it whimpered then sneered.

"Don't do that David!" Sam said angrily. "Stay here Mr. Fox. Sing that song to me."

"I thought you wanted to be alone..." I wondered loudly.

"I don't want to be with you. Is that clear enough?"

And it was clear. It was the clearest conversation we had in the last long days without Abe. I did not know what to say. I just stepped back then turned, and gave her space, as the fox smiled and sang his song.

No need for pain, no need for trials

Come swim in the ocean of love

No need to journey, no need to try

Come with me to the ocean of love

I don't remember the details anymore. I was too confused. I walked in circles looking at the stars, hoping for one to fall, so I could make a wish. I would look back at Sam and would see her smiling at the song of the fox. For the first time I felt jealousy, and I had no clue what to do.

I don't know how long it was but I lay on the ground exhausted.

Moments later I heard, "David?"

It was Sam. I stood, looked at her, and knew.

"We're..."

I interrupted her. "I know. No need to tell me"

"At least let me explain."

"There's no need. I don't need to hear it." 

"I want to explain."

"I don't want to hear it!" I shouted too loudly.

She looked at me with tears in her eyes. "I tried, David. I really tried. I'm not made for this. I need assurance. I need something to hold on to."

"Please stop, Sam. You don't need to explain."

"The fox. He has a feast. And he says they'll adore my honey there. They'll adore me. Can't you see? They'll adore my honey! They'll adore me!"

Again I asked her to stop. "Sam. Please. You don't need to explain."

"You never listen David. You never listen. I have to go. You don't know what it's like for me. You don't like my honey. You don't like anything about me. You don't..."

"Please stop."

Sam quieted down. We looked at each other, not saying a word. 

I held out my hand. "Goodbye Sam."

She ran to me and embraced me. Instinctively my arms embraced her. She cried on my shoulder.

"I really hate you now. I really hate you. You're so unfair" she said.

I don't know what she meant. I don't think she knew either.

She looked up at me with those eyes, the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. I looked down on her and saw trouble in her eyes. Two fears battling for her soul: the fear of hunger and the fear of regret.

She closed her eyes and when she opened them, I knew her decision was made.

She chose to satisfy her hunger. She would risk regret.

At that moment a light fell and streaked the sky with stardust. I don't know if she made a wish but I surely did. It was a wish that has never been answered and would never be.

I wished for her.

"Goodbye David. I hope you survive this journey. You're a special man..."

"Enough Sam. No need to pretend." 

I could see the fox watching from afar, its head and tail in proud display. 

"Goodbye Sam. If you ever need me you'll know where to find me, on this road to who knows where."

"You've done enough for me David. Pray for me. Pray that they'll love me as the fox promised."

That's when tears started to form in my eyes. Somehow I knew that her prayers would be answered, that they would love her so selfishly and tear her away, apart, into pieces. I don't know how I knew but I did. 

Yet she was asking me to pray for exactly that.

"I'll pray for your best." I told her. "I'll pray."

"Let's go Sam! We'll miss the feast!" the fox impatiently shouted. 

"Don't do this Sam. You'll regret it." I pleaded one last time.

"Pray for me, David. Goodbye."

I held her shoulders, kissed her forehand, and smiled. 

"Goodbye."

And she ran to join the fox.

I turned to continue my journey on the road to Who Knows Where. As we walked in opposite directions I could hear his haunting melody:

No need for pain, no need for trials
Come swim in the ocean of love
No need to journey, no need to try
Come with me to the ocean of love

So I walked away.

I'm An Ordinary Man

Found this after talking to my family about one of our favorite movies: My Fair Lady. It is Professor Henry Higgins on why he doesn't want a woman in his life.


PROFESSOR HIGGINS:
I'm an ordinary man
Who desires nothing more
Than just an ordinary chance
To live exactly as he likes
And do precisely what he wants.
An average man am I,
Of no eccentric whim,
Who likes to live his life, free of strife,
Doing whatever he thinks is best for him.
Oh, Just an ordinary man.

But! Let a woman in your life,
And your serenity is through.
She'll redecorate your home
from the cellar to the dome,
Then go to the enthralling fun
Of overhauling you.

Let a woman in your life,
And you're up against a wall.
Make a plan and you will find
She has something else in mind,
And so rather than do either 
You do something else that neither likes at all.

You want to talk of Keats or Milton;
She only wants to talk of love.
You go to see a play or ballet
And spend it searching for her glove.

Let a woman in your life,
And you invite eternal strife.
Let them buy their wedding bands
For those anxious little hands.
I'd be equally as willing
For a dentist to be drilling
Than to ever let a woman in my life!

I'm a very gentle man,
Even-tempered and good-natured
Whom you never hear complain;
Who has the milk of human kindness
By the quart in every vein.

A patient man am I,
Down to my fingertips;
The sort who never could, ever would,
Let an insulting remark escape his lips.
A very gentle man.

But! Let a woman in your life,
And patience hasn't got a chance.
She will beg you for advice.
Your reply will be concise, 
And she'll listen very nicely,
Then go out and do precisely what she wants!

You were a man of grace and polish
Who never spoke above a hush.
Now all at once you're using language
That would make a sailor blush.

Let a woman in your life,
And you're plunging in a knife!
Let the others of my sex
Tie the knot around their necks.
I'd prefer a new edition
Of the Spanish Inquisition
Than to ever let a woman in my life.

I'm a quiet living man,
Who prefers to spend the evenings
In the silence of his room;
Who likes an atmosphere as restful
As an undiscovered tomb.

A pensive man am I,
Of philosophic joys;
Who likes to meditate, contemplate,
Free from humanity's mad inhuman noise.
A quiet living man.

But! Let a woman in your life,
And your sabbatical is through.
In a line that never ends
Come an army of her friends;
Come to jabber and to chatter,
And to tell her what the matter is with you!

She'll have a booming, boisterous family,
Who will descend on you en masse.
She'll have a large Wagnerian mother
With a voice that shatters glass.

Let a woman in your life!
Let a woman in your life!

I shall never let a woman in my life.

Isaiah 58

I've come across this verse numerous times in the past, but it wasn't after hearing a recorded reading of Isaiah 58 while driving to work did it come alive. That happens a lot, we pass and bypass things, until the moment of revelation when our eyes are opened to see things in a new way. The basic message of this verse, though its emphasis is on fasting, is that God isn't impressed with the keeping of religious tradition, the saying of sorry, the token interest in Him. He is impressed with a whole life offering of love that is poured out in active service. 

Another sobering reminder for me as the first few verses describe me so well: I seek God, seem eager, ask for justice, for God to decide my way, yet live selfishly with me, my needs, my feelings, and my responsibilities at the center.

For 2013, it is one of my many many prayers to live a life of true fasting, a life that is set apart, kept special for the receiving and giving of love.

Again, this is a whole life offering of love that is poured out in active service.

Isaiah 58

1 “Shout it aloud, do not hold back.
    Raise your voice like a trumpet.
Declare to my people their rebellion
    and to the descendants of Jacob their sins.

2 For day after day they seek me out;
    they seem eager to know my ways,
as if they were a nation that does what is right
    and has not forsaken the commands of its God.
They ask me for just decisions
    and seem eager for God to come near them.

3 ‘Why have we fasted,’ they say,
    ‘and you have not seen it?
Why have we humbled ourselves,
    and you have not noticed?’
“Yet on the day of your fasting, you do as you please
    and exploit all your workers.

4 Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife,
    and in striking each other with wicked fists.
You cannot fast as you do today
    and expect your voice to be heard on high.

5 Is this the kind of fast I have chosen,
    only a day for people to humble themselves?
Is it only for bowing one’s head like a reed
    and for lying in sackcloth and ashes?
Is that what you call a fast,
    a day acceptable to the Lord?

6 “Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
    and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
    and break every yoke?

7 Is it not to share your food with the hungry
    and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe them,
    and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
    and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness[a] will go before you,
    and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.

9 Then you will call, and the Lord will answer;
    you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
“If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
    with the pointing finger and malicious talk,

10 and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
    and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
    and your night will become like the noonday.

11 The Lord will guide you always;
    he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
    and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
    like a spring whose waters never fail.

12 Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins
    and will raise up the age-old foundations;
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
    Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

13 “If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath
    and from doing as you please on my holy day,
if you call the Sabbath a delight
    and the Lord’s holy day honorable,
and if you honor it by not going your own way
    and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,

14 then you will find your joy in the Lord,
    and I will cause you to ride in triumph on the heights of the land
    and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob.”
For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.

For the Pleasure of Your Love

You are not one to be fooled
You see the center of my heart
You know who are yours
Those who have truly set apart
Themselves as sacrifices
For the pleasure of Your love
I will take care to seek You
Your approval from above

I Found My Blue Sky - Wake Up

From my story, I Found My Blue Sky.

"Wake up."

I thought I heard someone tell me in my dream.

"Wake up, wise one."

This time I was sure I heard someone.

"David, wake up."

The sound of my name woke me, and I was very surprised to see a very tall man with a thick beard gently shaking me awake.

"There now. You're awake. Are you ready?"

"R-r-ready for what? Who are you? How do you know my name?" I was a frightened 11 year old with this giant of a man looming over.

"I have a lot of names. But you may call me, Abe."

"Are you Abraham Lincoln? You sort of look like him."

Abe laughed and said, "No, my boy, the respectable Mr. Lincoln has been dead a long time. Clearly, I'm not dead.

So. Are you ready?" He asked again.

"Ready for what? You never answered that question."

Still smiling, he bent low, "Ready for our quest."

"What's a quest?" I asked him.

"Well, it's a journey."

"What's a journey?"

His smile disappeared and he looked at me seriously. "We must do something about your vocabulary. Words are important you know? They are keys to entering hearts and minds. Let me tell you what a journey is. A journey is a trip to somewhere. A quest is a special kind of journey."

"What's so special about it?"

"You have so many questions. What a wonderful mind you have. A quest is special because it isn't just a trip. It is a search."

"A search for what?"

"I knew you would ask me that. Most everyone does. It is a search for something you don't know until you find it."

I didn't understand what he meant. it sounded confusing to me. There was something very strange about this man, yet even to the young boy that I was at the time, he emitted a recognizable wisdom. In a very short amount of time I knew that this lanky giant was the smartest man alive.

I also knew that I wanted to go on this quest to who knows where.

"Do my parents know you're here? I must ask their permission."

He smile returned, a most gentle smile, "They know I'm everywhere. Most people do. You can tell them we met after we fix our plans."

"Does Sam know you?"

"Well, not yet. But I know her. I know she's your best friend. I know that your friends find you both weird because you like bitter dark chocolate, that she's your nurse when you play war, and I know that you like to sketch her while she dances on the hill at Green Fields."

"How do you know all these things?"

"I just do."

"Can she come along? I would like that very much. You would like her too. She's smart, and funny, and always says good things. She's not like the other girls always kissing boys. She has the happiest eyes I know."

"I like her already. She's a beautiful girl. Ask her if she wants to come along."

I was thrilled. I was going on an adventure. The thought of Sam coming excited me even more. I looked at Abe, "So what's the plan?"

"Meet me tomorrow at sundown by the old yellow slide on Rose Park."

"Ok. Rose Park. And then?"

"That's it.", He replied.

"That's the plan?" I asked unbelievingly.

"Yes. Is there something unclear?"

"No. I just thought there would be more. Don't you have a map? What should I pack? What are we riding"

"A map to who knows where?" He laughed. "How can we have a map to a place we don't know where?"

I was really confused.

Abe bent his tall frame and knelt in front of me. He looked me straight with dark piercing eyes and said, "You must be very brave to go to who knows where. But I promise you, when you arrive, you will know, you will understand, and you will laugh louder than you have ever laughed in your life."

I still didn't understand. But there was something about this man. He wasn't just a man, at least unlike any man I knew. There was something about him, about his countenance. Despite his plain exterior, his old suit, he radiated. I would later realize that this was the radiation of the wise, of those who have sought and found understanding, of those who have been illuminated.

I don't know why I said it but I did, "I'll see you at Rose Park, sundown."

"Splendid." He said as he rose back to his full 9 feet, making his way towards the door.

"What should I pack?" I asked again.

He turned his head and answered, "You may bring whatsoever you choose. But take some advice from a million quests, the less baggage you bring the less arduous the journey. It is wise to travel light."

He walked back to my bed, knelt down again, and said, "Good night my brave man." Then he stood up and left without the slightest sound.

No one had ever called brave me before, and definitely not a man. But as I lay in my bed my mind wandered into a dream, I was a warrior in battle, the lone man defending a hill. As with many many things that made sense when they did, I now know that was the day I became a man.

My Top 12 Posts for 2012

Thank you for taking the time to read my posts. I especially want to thank those who have even gone further to comment, to like, and even to send encouraging messages. Bellow is a list of my most read posts for the year with a little excerpt. If there's a theme for this year, it is this: go for true, deep, brave, life-laying and life giving, generous love. How do I intend to do that? We'll explore this in my year-end post: Lessons on Life, Loss, and Love. You may click on the titles to read the whole articles.


1. You Are Loved (From This Is Who You Are)

"In a world that says, "I love you" today then forgets what it means tomorrow, I want you to know that my love will be patient, and kind, will not boast, will not be proud, nor be rude, nor seek my own benefit, nor be easily angered, nor keep a record of wrongs. You will shine as my love illuminates the dark areas of your life."


2. Love is the Foolishness of Man


"We want others to be patient and bear with us as we grow, yet we are quick to criticize, quick to show anger, quick to pronounce judgment. We want to be accepted for who we are yet condemn others for failing to be a certain person for us. We want the friendships that make us better, sacrificial friendships, yet we dispose people who have offended us or threaten us - proving their value to us was based on how they made us feel. We want to be treated as important and be served yet do not show compassion to those who need it most when they need it most. We want complete forgiveness while selectively being unforgiving. We want true unconditional love yet we burden others with our conditions - conditions that change depending on how we're feeling. We want our record of wrongs to be erased yet we engrave their sins, even their past sins against others, on our stone hearts and hard minds."



3. I Don't Care What Anyone Says, Don't Be A Bitch

"My thinking is simple: Be a bitch and you’ll get the life of a bitch.

What you want is a man with good character. And the secret to getting a man of good character is to be a woman of good character. No one has perfect character, but you can tell when someone is moving towards being a better neighbor, a better servant, being more humble, being kinder, and being more loving."


4. It's About What's Most Important (From David On Relationships. This was actually written in 2010 but was visited a lot again this year.)

"Sometimes I come across people who are so insecure about where they stand in a relationship and I realize it's because they themselves and / or their partners have never settled in their hearts that the other is most important. When what's most important isn't decided on, everything becomes negotiable. I can go out and get drunk because he offended me. I can text others since we're not cheating anyway. I can gossip to my friends because he's a butt. All of a sudden we can negotiate in our mind to do the things that will hurt the person because we have never really set them aside as valuable - meaning even their value is negotiable - they're only valuable as long as they do as we like."


5. Fall In Love This Christmas

"All of a sudden, it hit me. I had been going about this whole thing wrong, and no wonder I kept failing. No wonder fear came over me so quickly when there was a threat. No wonder my anger rose so high when I felt offended. No wonder I fell so frequently to temptation. No wonder I became so proud with achievement. No wonder the condemnation lasted so long."


6. Don't Miss the Point

"You have something amazing waiting for you to fight for. Stop trading them away for the vicarious, for the temporary, for the easy pleasure. You'll ruin your ability to enjoy the real thing. You'll be too full with junk to accept good things. Worse, you'll be so used to junk you won't be able to  recognize a good thing even if it's right in front of you. And even worse, you'll actually have an appetite for junk."

7. Thoughts On Pacquiao and the Problems of My Heart

"I think we should stop equating material blessing, recognition, and comfort as automatically the fruit of Christianity. Those things are nice but they're not what the Bible calls the fruit. The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, grace, gentleness, and self-control. If my small group grows, if my business profits, if my star rises, if my pastors commend me, yet I do not love, have peace, practice patience, if I am unkind, if I am evil, especially to those I can take advantage of, if I am self-justified, if I am harsh, and if I have no discipline, how can I say that this is the will of God?"


8. Do I Truly Love?

"But maturity means we must move from great expectations of others, to great intentions for them, and even more, to great acts of service and sacrifice. This is what separates great love from cheap love: one is made of transformative action the other is a mood swing."


9. When I Am Afraid?

"I NEED YOU. Three very simple yet life-changing words. Words that humbly admit "I can't do this without You. I've tried and I've failed. I need You to rescue me. I need You to teach me. I need You to show me. I need You to fill me. I need You to love me." These are difficult statements to say, especially for someone like me that enjoys the idea of not needing anyone because my experience is, like pretty much everyone else I know, needing someone means getting disappointed and hurt."


10. A Reward In Full

"Sometimes it takes the faith of someone who is facing giants much bigger than ours to remind us to be brave, to be strong, to pull us out of the discouragement we face. Mr. Delfin was especially significant in my life because he believed in me when many didn't. While many people verbally said things, about how they believe in me, Mr. Delfin, went out and really showed this to me. I'll never forget him and his family for doing that. He stands out as someone who loved with his actions.

Sometimes it takes the sad passing away of a dearly beloved, to bring us back to the glorious simplicity of the Gospel: For God So Loved the World and to the rewarding simplicity of life: Love Your Neighbour."


11. Thoughts On the RH Bill, Sandy Hook, and Loving Thy Neighbour

"Let us not lose by default by apathetically ignoring our great privilege to hold our own well-studied convictions and forgetting our responsibility to act based on these convictions."


12. The Emperor Has No Clothes

"Who is a better priest? The man in his pure unsullied frock or the man made naked because his cloak went to the shivering? Who is more like Christ? The respected man whose achievements, traditions,  wealth, and social standing justified him or the poor man who served, who gave, and who loved unto death?"


Thank you once more for being a part of my 2012, some as seeds, others as fertilizer. I hope the fruit of my life blesses you in return.

From the Cistern of Your Love

I can see the sky clearing
I can feel burdens falling
I can hear all kinds of singing
I can taste the sweetest drinking
From the cistern of Your love
Filled with grace from above
For the weary and the thirsty
For the shameful like me
Is pure water overflowing
Washing clean the believing

The Grandness of You

We took a step back
From the madness
Two lovers escaping
Into the grandness
Of You
Into the grandness of You
I fear it's too great to last
But because I know You
I'll believe whatever You say
You're too good not to be true

Fall In Love This Christmas

Last Christmas, my dad, Joey Bonifacio, gave me a book entitled King's Cross by Timothy Keller, to Joseph, he gave a book on the Coca Cola company. For a moment I thought he had mistakenly switched his gifts. Everyone knows that religious books go to Joe and the business books go to me. I was even tempted to trade with Joe. Just goes to show how UN-interested I was in reading more about "churchy" stuff.

But as I started reading the book, the words started speaking to me in a new way, and as I read the verses included, it came to me so fresh and alive, not the way a manual instructs us, which is what everyone told me the Bible was: a manual for life, but something more. All of a sudden the pages seemed like letters, infused with passion, stained with tears and love, full of emotions of pain, of pleading, of hope, of faith, of rejection, of anger, of mercy, but most of all, of love.

It wasn't a manual. It was a love letter.

It wasn't a book of examples on "how-to-live". No. It was collection of romances and adventures. It was God telling His lover, "You have to see the view from up here. Come up. Come up."

All of a sudden, it hit me. I had been going about this whole thing wrong, and no wonder I kept failing. No wonder fear came over me so quickly when there was a threat. No wonder my anger rose so high when I felt offended. No wonder I fell so frequently to temptation. No wonder I became so proud with achievement. No wonder the condemnation lasted so long.

I had a system of beliefs, a religion, but I was missing the important ingredient that made this particular religion special. I was missing the Love of Jesus. This is why we say Christianity is more than a religion, it is a relationship.

I had not fallen in love.

That is why church, religion, spirituality, or whatever you want to call it, didn't satisfy me. It couldn't. I'm hard to satisfy as it is with my constant need to go deeper, to try more, to experience, and this empty religion wasn't just unsatisfying, it was frustrating.

And of course it is. It's like playing a game you're never going to win - and getting punished every time you lose.

No one falls in love with losing every day.

What do we fall in love with?

We fall for beauty. 

And what is beauty?

It is an assemblage of graces, of excellences, or an assemblage of properties in the form of the person or any other object, which pleases.

I like how Marie-Henri Beyle (better known as Stendhal) put it, "la promesse de bonheur" or "the promise of happiness."

We fall in love with people, with things, that promise us satisfaction. Those who satisfy our eyes we call them beautiful. The music that pleases our ears we call beautiful as well. There are beautiful feelings, beautiful moments, beautiful scenes, beautiful tastes, and beautiful memories, all pleasing to experience.

Yet these were not the experiences I associated with Christianity or church. With family and friends, yes, but not religion.

A good indicator that we are simply being religious is this: We feel safer because we break less rules and we feel more satisfied with our personal performance, yet we are less willing to open our hearts to receiving and giving love.

So I took an honest look at my religion, and it was this: I was a spiritual slut. I knew that good behaviour brought blessing, and blessing brought comfort and security. So I worked my best to deserve the blessing. I exchanged myself for the benefits. I also knew that bad or wrong behaviour resulted in shame, in missed destinies, in pain, in being ostracised, in loss of trust, so I just dealt with my the bad things as quietly as I could. I would read the Bible to see what I had to do to look as pretty as I could, so that I could walk the alley, attract me a blessing, and avoid the cops when I did wrong. Religious people make amazing cops by the way, yet so blinded by our own planks.

I don't think a prostitute goes home satisfied. Neither was I.

Fortunately, God knows where to find the soul again, as the author, Victor Hugo, put so well. He really does.


This Is Who He Is
I probably have two more blog posts for the rest of 2012, this one and one for New Year. My simple encouragement for us this Christmas is this:

Fall in love.

How? That's a good question. It's a great question. No one can be forced to fall in love. We can neither force ourselves. We truly have to fall. (Which is why I find it so silly that people think we can process love into people. We can process the motions of loving acts but love cannot be manufactured. It has to bloom.)

How do we fall? How do we fall for anything?

Gaze at His beauty.

And what makes Him beautiful? What are His graces and excellences? Let me share the little that my small mind can conceive.

Here is a person who had His life completely at its best. Full comfort. Full satisfaction. Full fellowship. All power. All authority. Yet He offered His life for breaking, that my broken life may be offered love. He doesn't want me standing in the alley. He wants me walking down the aisle. He doesn't want me performing for tips. He wants me dancing with Him. He doesn't need me to read four chapters a day. He wants to remind me of His love. He doesn't need me to do anything for Him, how arrogant of me to even think that the Creator is hostage to me, but He does want me so badly, that He laid down His life for mine. And He loves me so much that He promised, "You may walk away from me, but I will never walk away from you."

What a beautiful person. What a promise of Happiness.

I'm convinced I didn't fall sooner because I was too busy looking at everyone else and at the mirror. I wasn't looking at Him.

You Just Know
I used to ask people, "How do you know if you're in love? I'm not talking about emotions or feelings. How do you know that you are truly crazy madly in love?"

Some would give me classifications that didn't seem to stand under scrutiny, but there was one answer that always baffled me, that I thought was extremely stupid and useless, "You just know."

Now I think I understand what that means, and I believed it is this:

Once and for all you're convinced that you love this person.
For us, lovers of Christ, it is this, once and for all we are convinced that we are loved. Period.

(You may read my exploration on this thought in another post I wrote entitled You Are Loved.)

As I look back, I realize how proud I was, and pride makes us foolish, thinking I was earning His love when I was really pushing away His embrace. I was trying so hard to make myself beautiful For Him, when I was already beautiful To Him. When I reflect even deeper, a lot of that was driven to prove myself to myself and to others, that I could deserve something beautiful.

When talking about this with my dad, I asked him, "Do you love mom?" He said instantly, "Yes. What kind of a question is that?" I followed this up with a "I don't believe you. Why were you impatient with her the other day?" He looked at me sensing a point, and the point was this:

It's not so important whether I think my dad loves my mom. What is important is that he knows he loves her and, equally important, is that she knows he loves her. It's not so important that their friends think they're compatible, or the church gives its approval, and especially not the opinion of strangers. 

This is what is important: Does my dad love her? Does my mom know it, does she feel it because my dad has done everything he can to communicate that? 

Sometimes we burden our relationship with God trying to convince everyone we're "Christian" through our behaviours and achievements. We're trying to show people we deserve blessings and a good life. How much of our effort is really geared towards securing ourselves and the approval of others? How much of our time and energy truly goes to enjoying our Lover?

I saw a read a great reminder to stop living this way from the  author Paulo Coelho who wrote, One is loved because one is loved. Don't ask a stupid "why me?"


Do we love God? Do we really know that He loves us?

Or are we still trying to deserve it? Are we still asking, "why me?"


I hope this Christmas, you will let Him show you His love. That you will not miss His gift to you looking at all the other gifts. That you will not miss His presence amidst the presents or lack of. That you will not close your eyes to the dark circumstances and miss His star. I pray that you will stop trying to deserve a beauty you're already free to enjoy. Most of all, I pray that you will fall in love this Christmas with He who loves you most.

Merry Christmas!

You're Too Beautiful For Me

You're too beautiful for me
Too great for prideful, broken me
Yet You call me to Your side
A stained and damaged bride
My shame, to You revealed
You did not reject but healed
Pouring love into my soul
Loving You has made me whole

A Reward In Full

Goodbye
I was writing a post on my conversations about death, when I received a short text from Joven Ong informing me that his father, and a dear friend of mine, Mr. Delfin, passed away. As some of you who are connected to me on Facebook know, he had been bravely facing cancer for a few months. He has now joined our Father in Heaven. I was so sad I wrote this poem: Eulogy

Inquire of the Lord
I remember a line Mr. Delfin left me with that continues to remind me, even haunt me, and that line is this:

Inquire of the Lord.

He told me, "Your name is David. The secret of David is that he inquired of the Lord. I have made many mistakes but God has blessed me because I inquire of Him."

Inquire: to ask, to seek. Many times we just take events for what they are, we don't go deeper and ask, "Father, what do You want me to do?"

It was a good reminder that came in perfect timing as I myself had been struggling with disappointments related to things I had believed God for that didn't happen, events that I could not understand, that were beyond my control. I'm sure you all know how that feels. All of us have been disappointed, and it's not uncommon to think that, at the time of our frustration, our's is the biggest and most painful in the world. Of course this is a subtle form of pride, to think only of my own suffering and fail to see how others fare, that causes us to be absent for others when they need us most. 

Sometimes it takes the faith of someone who is facing giants much bigger than ours to remind us to be brave, to be strong, to pull us out of the discouragement we face. Mr. Delfin was especially significant in my life because he believed in me when many didn't. While many people verbally said things, about how they believe in me, Mr. Delfin, went out and really showed this to me. I'll never forget him and his family for doing that. He stands out as someone who loved with his actions.


A Reward In Full
I don't like writing or saying things to people who have already gone ahead. That's why I try my best to  tell people what I want them to know while they're alive - including those I don't particularly like. Haha! But I do have a few thoughts for us, those still alive on Earth, that we may live a life like that of Mr. Delfin's, a life that touches so many in a way that is so humble.

My dad used to tell me when I was younger, "David, I believe when we get to Heaven, we're all going to get the shock of our lives. A lot of these people that we admire, that we praise, that we call beautiful, or strong, or successful, these good speakers, rich people, they won't be who God honours most. We will be standing in line and watching how God exalts the many, unknown, un-named, and unrecognized people who faithfully pleased Him." He told me this to teach me to not to put too much value in the validation of man. I was reminded of this as I thought about Mr. Delfin. He did not trumpet  his good works, his giving, and I believe, just as Matthew 6:4 says, "Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret will reward you."

Too many times we put so much emphasis on actions that will reward us today here on Earth with temporary validation. Life is not about filling ourselves and obtaining as many of the things we want and completing goals we want to achieve, and it's certainly not about proving to everyone else how good we can live. When a person, especially a good person, seems to have been cheated out of life, we feel some injustice has been done.

No. Life is about love, and loving God most of all, and to be with the Lover of Our Soul is beyond being just. It is God's loving mercies finally bringing us to Him.

I understand now what my dad was telling me. I think he was telling me, "Don't love for others. Don't love so that others will say you're loving, don't worship because others will think you're a good guy. Don't care for the poor or the broken to win respect. Don't make the validation of man your basis for how much you love. God knows who His lover is. Do not be like the guys who chase their full reward on Earth. Be that lover though no one sees nor agrees."

Sometimes it takes the sad passing away of a dearly beloved, to bring us back to the glorious simplicity of the Gospel: For God So Loved the World and to the rewarding simplicity of life: Love Your Neighbour. 

Mr. Delfin lived both out. I am a witness. I believe he has received his reward in full.

Eulogy

Dedicated to Mr. Delfin Ong

Eloquence escapes me
What good are words on this day
Except those phrased in Heaven
Father, rest us well, I pray
I peer into the entrance of death
They do not weep nor suffer
There is no more wasting away
No more pain to remember
Too late to say goodbye
Too soon to say hello
Take nothing for granted
Life is a swift come and go

Until Dawn Shows Your Face

Taking a trip
To who knows where
Have no plans, no details
But as long as You're there
I'll be fine
How can I not be?
All Your promised kept
You've been so good to me
At our departure
I know I won't miss a thing
I've tied myself to You
You're my everything
We'll sail through the storm
We'll stroll through the fire
We won't sink, we won't burn
We'll rise above, we'll fly higher
And even in dark nights
When I'm going blind
I will reach out to touch You
You're open arms I find
Ready to take me in
Pulling me into an embrace
Holding me tight all evening
Until dawn shows Your face

To Be With You

The song I'm writing for my friend's wedding march. Lyrics may change as I work on the melody over the holidays. Knowing me, I could change the thing entirely. Haha!


Naked of pretenses
Walking on bare feet
I take one step closer
To be with you

Don't know what's ahead
But the thought of you at the end
Makes me take one step closer
To be with you

It's a fearful journey
This thing called love
As with all beautiful things,
Grace from above
Starts with a moment
Then another
A prayer, a hope
The wish of a dreamer
Planted in the soul
Of a child once more
Now with opened eyes
Begins to soar

My heart is racing so fast
Still away, but I feel at last
With every one step closer
I'll be with you

With You I Found Delight

The pictures You paint
The words You communicate
All remind me
You love me this great
The conversations and fights
That keep us up at night
I really don't mind
With You I found delight

Thoughts On the RH Bill, Sandy Hook, and Loving Thy Neighbor

Losing By Default
Whenever I hear someone complaining I like to ask him one question: What are you doing about it? When someone is complaining about their finances, I ask them, "Are you spending your money wisely? Are you working harder?" When someone is complaining about their city or country, "Did you vote responsibly? Did you even vote? Do you even have a stand on issues? Do you know the issues" When they complain about there being so many poor people, or the suffering kids, "Are you helping them by consuming less and giving more? Are you contributing to the problem by paying them low wages so that you can have another toy?" When people complain about their relationships, "Are you the kind of friend that makes those you relate with better? If you're the more righteous person, shouldn't you be more capable of serving?" When people complain about their work, "Can you honestly say you're working at your most efficient? Could it be that some of the burdens are caused by your own mistakes?"

These are questions I ask myself whenever I am complaining myself. They are sobering questions that have helped me think through my own shallow selfishness that prioritizes my needs and opinions yet diminishes my responsibility to act.

The reason why I find these questions so difficult is simply because it means I am willing to consider that the problem is me.

To be honest, I find that 99% of the time, it is me. It is true that I need to be more socially conscious. I need to consume less, whether that be energy, food, clothes, stuff. I need to give more. I need to collaborate more, unite more, serve more.

The good news is this has led me to really search my heart and soul, truly read the scriptures and helpful theological explanations, learn philosophical positions, and really develop personal convictions, not my minister parents' convictions, or my pastor brother's convictions, or my company's convictions, or my friends', or those of my colleagues, or the church's, and especially not the mob's, but my own. Sometimes these convictions align with those I mentioned above, sometimes they don't. What is important is that they're mine, meaning, I own them, so I am responsible to live by them.

Let us not lose by default by apathetically ignoring our great privilege to hold our own well-studied convictions and forgetting our responsibility to act based on these convictions.

This is a reminder for me as well. We have no right to complain when our own apathy and inaction continues to contribute to a broken society. A leech is something who uses its abilities to suck others dry. Don't be a leech. Use your abilities to make others better.


Opinion Is Not Equal to Conviction
The difference between an opinion and a conviction is action. Sadly, it is the conviction of many of us that our opinion is enough, and this is why we don't act. We need to remember that a quote on our wall or tweet means nothing if we don't live by it. Just because we retweeted something on love doesn't mean we are loving. Just because we tweeted something on politics doesn't mean we are good citizens. Just because we shared a verse doesn't mean we practiced it. All it means is that at that moment it resonated with us. Until we live out our tweets, verses, and opinions in our daily life they remain bumper stickers that do not transform. Inspiration must be acted out for it to transform.

We have opinions on guys and girls, movies and shows, styles and models, stocks and bonds, what's hot or not, what's cool and what's uncool, what to say and what not, on so many things, but our actions and interests many times betray the shallowness of our convictions.

Don't worry about people disagreeing with you. A good sign that you don't really have convictions is when you agree with everyone and everyone agrees with you. Strong conviction will always polarize.


It's Either We All Win Or We All Lose
I remember someone asking me whether they should support Habitat for Humanity or Gawad Kalinga. Those of you who follow my blog know that I serve on the board of Habitat for Humanity. I told him, while I can personally vouch for Habitat, I encourage you to get to know both groups and make your choice. At the end of the day, we're all on the same team: team Philippines.

I believe we should remember this as we actively participate in the political process, and it's good that we are participating. We need to remember that we're on the same team.

I am generally for the RH Bill, and agreed more with the positions of the proponents of the bill BUT having said that as a member of team Philippines, I need to recognize that I'm on the same team as the Catholic Church and the politicians against the bill. Now that the bill is passed responsible citizenship means uniting against ills the bill was meant to defeat. Gloating and demonizing on both sides won't help anyone, especially not the poor.

If you believe in the merits of the bill, arm yourself with it and do your part to promote responsible reproductive health, particularly in the role of education.

If you disagree, arm yourself with your conviction, and use it to promote responsible reproductive health.

Just because secular society decides on what they believe is a better option, it does not stop or limit the church from continuing to help the poor, teach responsibility, and most of all spread the love of God, the Gospel, which is its true mandate.

The simple point is this: it's either we all win or we all lose. We may have differences in our ideas but here we can unite and agree, that if we show the same passion in our daily excellences, we will see a greater country.

I guess now we'll see who is playing politics and who really cares about the poor.


Love Thy Neighbor
Let us get practical: love thy neighbor.

I don't know how many times I've heard the words "I love you". These days, who knows what that means? In my experience and observation, it means "I love you until my biggest excuse".

Yet, amidst our apathy, our selfish individuality, and our rationalization of our unfaithfulness, are stories of people who have made passionate lives work. These people, their stories, inspire us, make us wish we have what they do, and make us wonder how they made it work.

Maybe the answer is already there: they live passionate lives.

Passion, the word, means to suffer. A passionate life, is a life that suffers, not because it has nothing better to do, but because it is madly in love. The best way never to get hurt and suffer is never to love and build your own safe bubble - so we thought.

The tragic events at Sandy Hook remind us that the problem child next door is our problem too. The broken down values, the mental illnesses, the dysfunctions of our neighbors are ours too.

As I said, we either all win or all lose.

My encouragement for us is to love so much and so passionately through our daily excellences. The world is already full of people who want a better world without having to pay with the only currency a better world accepts: our lives.