Lion Heart

Howling ghost they reappear
In mountains that are stacked with fear
But you're a king and I'm a lion-heart.
And in the sea that's painted black,
Creatures lurk below the deck
But you're a king and I'm a lion-heart.
- Of Monsters And Men

On Your Mountain

You take me higher up Your mountain
And carve deeper into my soul
You show me wonders so beautiful
You unearth the buried things in me
I am more and more a stranger
A pilgrim in a foreign land
I do not desire what this world desires
I do not praise what they praise
And I am disdained for the difference
Mocked for the strangeness of conviction
Every failure is highlighted
My steps in full spotlight
Let them condemn for I have sinned
Let them gnash for I have failed
Let them walk away from my repugnance
Let them lay their convictions
I know, and I see, that my Savior comes
My defender is my redeemer
My lover is my avenger
You protect those who call Your name
You shelter those who accept Your embrace
I will be patient and wait for Your deliverance
I will not settle for less than You
Though I walk hungry today
I take pleasure in the expectation of Your feast
Though I fight alone today
I find joy in taking on Your standard
To wait for You is beautiful to me
To put all my hopes in You secures me
Though I sink lower in honour in this world
I find fulness of joy with You on Your mountain

Thoughts - Discernment

Everyone is a google away from the information they seek. What you seek, you will find.

In a world where access to information is so easy, what will differentiate good leaders is discernment - to choose rightly.

Discernment is the ability to sift between truth and lies, what's mine and what's not, what's best among the good, what's right. We have so many options today, to grow or to be stagnant, to learn good things or to fill up with wrong things. Want to get better at math? Want to become a better person? Want to learn how to parent? Want to learn more about God? There are resources available. Why do we find ourselves choosing to intake the junk that's also available?

What will differentiate the wise and the foolish in this information buffet is the ability to discern rightly and courageously. In a buffet, where everything is laid-out, those who seek to be healthy will find choices to be healthy, and those who approach the table with no purpose, no discernment, will find choices for whatever it is they want.

More than the options and the available choices, it is the decisions we make and the ideas and people we embrace that will determine how our lives turn out.

Our choices matter.

Too many people google their problems to seek answers from strangers. Don't wonder when the answer leads to pain. Google is great for giving information, for presenting the options, for showing the available roads to take.

Discernment sees many roads but seeks the right path, and which path is that? The path with our Father's footprints.


Finally, we need the courage to walk in discernment. The right path is useless to those who lack the courage to walk it.

If I Had Kids: Faith, Hope, Love

One of the things I think about quite often are my future kids. This may sound strange given I'm so far away from actually having my own, but the idea of having little Davids and Davidas is something I am very excited about. I even have my very kind and insightful grandmother, Lola Tina, writing letters to my kids on values such as faith, forgiveness, and integrity. I want my kids to have the benefit of her experience and wisdom, and in a world of dying "old-fashioned" values, many of which have suffered even in my life, I would like to somehow transfer the wisdom, experience, and perspective of a generation when marriage was between man and wife, when a promise was a promise, when a hero was the one who laid his life down not the one who pretended on screen, when it was honourable to show restraint.

I wish I had paid closer attention to these things as they were taught to me.

Sometimes I wonder about what kind of world my future kids will enter. While half of me is excited, the other half is reasonably concerned with the degradation of society's values. When dads are absent, unfaithful, and unwilling, when moms are entitled, full of emotional escapes, and so concerned with societies perceptions, when the children lose respect, lose trust, in their unreliable home leaders, a whole buffet of social problems arise.

If the world seems like it's getting worse, in many ways, it's probably because of having generation after generation becoming more and more spoiled and feeling entitled to things they don't want to pay the price for.

This is why parenting, including foster parenting, adoption, and spiritual parenting, is so important. The identity of future generations needs to be set. People are more informed than ever but more paralysed by an inability to discern between options, say no to pleasurable evils, yes to tough commitments, to wait and persevere. Sons need to be commissioned, daughters embraced, and callings need to be spoken.

My dad pretty much finished every talk, every spanking reminding me, "This is who you are. And this is why you need to act this way." I remember my mom always reminding me, "Do you remember what your name means? We named you David Michael for a reason. You're going to defeat giants. You're going to defeat demons."

I'm very grateful for them. I'm grateful that they kept speaking into my life, even during the many times I was difficult and resentful, and always saying "I don't care what anyone says, this is who you are. You live differently." To be honest, I never really understood and for most of my life I really disliked the burden of responsibility and rebelled in many ways. But now I really see the value of it and thankful that someone persevered with me.

I think too many parents are trying to be sexy parents, cool parents, their kids' "best friends" and failing in the areas that are most important. Parenting is leadership at its most important in my opinion - and a man pleasing leader, even if it is our kids we're trying to please, is historically known to be a recipe for disaster. 

Instead, parents should mark ourt very clearly for themselves and for their families: these are our values and this is the vision of our family, this is where we are going, and influence everyone to go there together by consistently communicating the values and vision through words and actions. 

But of all the things I was taught by my parents, and through the other people and circumstances God has allowed me to encounter, are three simple values that have profoundly impacted my life. If I have kids, or should I say, when I have kids, these three will be the emphasis:

FAITH
HOPE
LOVE

Inspired by one of my favourite chapters, 1 Corinthians 13.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love...
- 1 Corinthians 13:!3

Let me give you some simple thoughts on each. I like to simplify as much as possible so that the ideas are actually applicable.


Faith
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
- Hebrews 11:1

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
- Proverbs 3:5-6

Faith is simply putting your trust in God. It's saying, I believe in You, God. I believe that You exist. I believe that You are everywhere. I believe that You have all-power. I believe that You know all. I believe that You are good and love me. So I trust that Your ways are best.

This is very well illustrated in this classic story (click on the story to read the whole article):


In the nineteenth century the greatest tightrope walker in the world was a man named Charles Blondin. On June 30, 1859, he became the first man in history to walk on a tightrope across Niagara Falls. Over twenty-five thousand people gathered to watch him walk 1,100 feet suspended on a tiny rope 160 feet above the raging waters. He worked without a net or safety harness of any kind. The slightest slip would prove fatal. When he safely reached the Canadian side, the crowd burst into a mighty roar.

In the days that followed, he would walk across the Falls many times. Once he walked across on stilts; another time he took a chair and a stove with him and sat down midway across, cooked an omelet, and ate it. Once he carried his manager across riding piggyback. And once he pushed a wheelbarrow across loaded with 350 pounds of cement. On another occasion he asked the cheering spectators if they thought he could push a man across sitting in a wheelbarrow. A mighty roar of approval rose from the crowd. Spying a man cheering loudly, he asked, “Sir, do you think I could safely carry you across in this wheelbarrow?” “Yes, of course.” “Get in,” the Great Blondin replied with a smile.

The man refused.

That makes it clear, doesn’t it? It’s one thing to believe a man can walk across by himself. It’s another thing to believe he could safely carry you across. But it’s something else entirely to get into the wheelbarrow yourself.

It’s not enough to believe that Christ theoretically could save you. Until you “get in the wheelbarrow” and trust all to him, you are not saved. 


The best way to teach your kids faith is to get in the "wheelbarrow" yourself. Do we really think our kids will embrace wholeheartedly what we have embraced half-heartedly? No. To do this is to communicate, "I'm not sure about this God, so the wise thing to do is to make arrangements for my own security."

If there's anything true about faith (as well as hope and love), it's either you believe or you don't.

A practical way to teach this is to pray with your kids. Teach them to pray for things. Don't worry about their hearts getting broken or their getting disappointed. Instead use even disappointments to build their faith. Remember, your kids will follow your lead. If they see you whining, crying, grumbling, and rationalising because God didn't give you what you prayed for they'll do the same - to God and you. 

If they see your enthusiasm for God, if they see that you're persevering in faith, and that you are thankful when God doesn't answer your request because you trust, you have faith, that God is protecting you for His best, then your kids will adopt the same perspective.

You want joyful, faithful kids? Be joyful and full of faith. If you find your kids are always whining and grumbling, look in the mirror and deal with what you need to deal with.


Hope 
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. - Romans 5:3-4

One of the things I noticed with young people (including me) today is our inability to wait, to persevere, to be still, to look forward to a better picture that is so real  that we live in such a way that we delay gratification for this more beautiful picture.

I don't know how many times I've heard people say it's ok to flirt or play around because they're still single anyway. Or how they can take their time because they're still young. Or how they better take what they can now because they never know if that's as good as it gets.

In other words, because they can't picture a brighter tomorrow, they're not hoping for anything better, the end result is a life that has settled for mediocrity or even ugliness. We fill our need for hope by living vicariously through the lives of people we follow, movies, tv series, and books. We get all worked up for shallow things that we lose our ability to live through uninspired times, to persevere through tough times, and we wonder why our lives are simply more of the same frustrations.

Without hope in a better tomorrow, there's no reason to work towards a better tomorrow. Without hope that there is heaven, a place to eternally be with God, there's no reason to live faithfully before Him today. Without hope that someday your dreams will come true, there's no reason to persevere and sacrifice.

There is a better tomorrow. There is a heaven. And dreams do come true BUT the process is not through day dreams and lotteries. The process is actually made plain in the Bible:

Suffering leads to perseverance, perseverance character, character hope.

Suffering? Yikes. We don't like that word. We don't want it for us and we surely don't want it for our kids. What kind of cool, sexy, "best friend" parent will make their kids suffer? They won't. It's completely uncool, unsexy, and seemingly unfriendly to make your kids work, do chores, pay the price for mistakes, learn how to apologize even when it's embarrassing, learn how to forgive even when it's painful, learn how to give up things for others, learn how to let others go first, and learn that way to live is to lay your life down.

But that's the starting point. Kids who have never suffered, and I don't mean making them suffer in some sadistic way, become weak and very oddly, become entitled and are more likely to lose hope.

Why?

Because more than what we're amassing, achieving, and feeling in life, what is really important is WHO we're becoming or in one word: character. Hope is the fruit of character ripened through perseverance in suffering. 

Instead, teach them that one can face suffering honourably. How? By facing your challenges honourably and with faith, which I explained earlier is trusting in God. If your kids always see you settling and taking shortcuts when things get hard, guess what they'll do? 

If they see you losing hope, giving up, and not painting a beautiful tomorrow, they're going to follow the beautiful picture someone else paints - and who knows if that picture is really a beautiful tomorrow or a painful experience in disguise.

Let us suffer what we have to suffer with faith and perseverance. Allow God to build our character, knowing that what we are hoping for will not fail. Show them that it's good to fight for the things you love with faith. Show them that it's good to wait for things to ripen. Show them to enjoy each season for what it is because you know that each has been designed by God to mold your character towards an unfailing hope.

One of the most impactful images in my head is seeing my parents praying during times of great need for our family. Hearing about our financial difficulties now, and realising how despite the circumstance, they fostered an environment of faith and perseverance has made me appreciate them for giving me this approach to life.

I believe God will come through for me, that I have a bright future. I know it because I've seen it in my parents' life.

Like I said, that is uncool, unsexy, and unfriendly. But who cares. I would rather be the misunderstood person people criticised for being uncool, unsexy, and unfriendly for relentlessly moving people to embrace their values and to fight for their visions, than to be the cool, sexy, friendly person that gets along but actually is of no significant impact in the lives of others, especially my kids, except to entertain them.

Be the person that people will look back to and say, "He really loved me because he fought to bring out my best because he saw a beautiful tomorrow for me."



And finally, Love.

This deserves its own post. Stay tuned for that one.

Housekeeping 2013

I have not been able to post articles as often as I would like (which explains why I've been sharing my old pieces). I've had a lot of work on my plate, which includes all of the challenges and opportunities we all face in different degrees, as well as two very fun (and tiring) stints as a barrista at The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf. When I have kids, who are undoubtedly going to be amazing, I'm going to make sure they spend a good amount of time ushering at church and doing barrista work. I want them to appreciate the importance of work, of service, of being humble. I don't want them to become entitled divas that keep taking from everyone around them but still feel entitled. There's way too many divas and too few servants.

I'll finally be posting that article I committed about parenting this week.

My articles take time. It's not like I just sit down and crap one out. Usually, other than my poetry and short thougthts, articles are written over a span of days, weeks, and even months, and a few, have spent more than a year as a draft. I have so many unfinished articles, stories, poems, and songs, many of which I no longer intend to finish given the change of views and circumstances.


Thank You! = Moleskine
I would like to convey my sincerest thanks to you for being so kind as to read, share, tweet, make instagram photos, comment, and even send gifts! I cannot realistically thank all of you individually but I try to thank, retweet, and respond to as many of your messages as possible.

To make it even more fun for you, I'm bringing back my Moleskine a month gift. Every month, I'll look through the comments on my blog and choose my favorite one. The person who gave that comment wins a Moleskine notebook from me.

Why Moleskine? Because it is my favorite notebook despite its being overpriced in the Philippines. I've been using them for years now and it's nice to see these matching black notebooks stack up.

Needless to say (but I'm saying it anyway), I'm only going to choose from those who comment with a name and email so that I can contact the person who won. Anonymous comments, though appreciated, won't be included.

Thank you again for following my blog. I hope my articles inspire you to glorify God, to find pleasure in Him, and to live the life He has given you to the fullest.

Modern Thinker’s Creed by Steve Turner

Thank you to my friend, Benjo Marquez, for sharing this with me.


We believe in Marx, Freud,and Darwin We believe everything is OK as long as you don’t hurt anyone to the best of your definition of hurt, and to the best of your knowledge.

We believe in sex before, during, and after marriage. We believe in the therapy of sin. We believe that adultery is fun. We believe that sodomy’s OK. We believe that taboos are taboo.

We believe that everything’s getting better despite evidence to the contrary. The evidence must be investigated And you can prove anything with evidence.

We believe there’s something in horoscopes UFO’s and bent spoons. Jesus was a good man just like Buddha, Muhammed, and ourselves. He was a good moral teacher though we think His good morals were bad.

We believe that all religions are basically the same-at least the one that we read was. They all believe in love and goodness. They only differ on matters of creation, sin, heaven, hell, God, and salvation.

We believe that after death comes the Nothing Because when you ask the dead what happens they say nothing. If death is not the end, if the dead have lied, then its compulsory heaven for all excepting perhaps Hitler, Stalin, and Genghis Kahn

We believe in Masters and Johnson What’s selected is average. What’s average is normal. What’s normal is good.

We believe in total disarmament. We believe there are direct links between warfare and bloodshed. Americans should beat their guns into tractors. And the Russians would be sure to follow.

We believe that man is essentially good. It’s only his behavior that lets him down. This is the fault of society. Society is the fault of conditions. Conditions are the fault of society.

We believe that each man must find the truth that is right for him. Reality will adapt accordingly. The universe will readjust. History will alter. We believe that there is no absolute truth excepting the truth that there is no absolute truth.

We believe in the rejection of creeds, And the flowering of individual thought.

If chance be the Father of all flesh, disaster is his rainbow in the sky and when you hear

State of Emergency! Sniper Kills Ten! Troops on Rampage! Whites go Looting! Bomb Blasts School! It is but the sound of man worshiping his maker.

Awake My Soul

Breathe on me, breath of God, breathe on me

Breathe on me, breath of God, breathe on me

I come alive, I’m alive when you breathe on me

I come alive, I’m alive when you breathe on me

Chorus:

Awake, awake, awake my soul,

God resurrect these bones

From death to life, through you alone

Awake my soul

Speak to me, word of God, speak to me

Speak to me, word of God, speak to me

I come alive, I’m alive when you speak to me

I come alive, I’m alive when you speak to me

Chorus:

Awake, awake, awake my soul,

God resurrect these bones

From death to life, through you alone

Awake my soul

Lecrae:

Then He said to me,

Prophesy to these bones and say to them,

Dry bones, hear the word of the Lord!

This is what the Sovereign Lord says to these bones,

I will make breath enter you,

And you will come to life.

So I prophesied as I was commanded.

As I was prophesying, there was a noise, a rattling sound,

And the bones came together, bone to bone.

And I looked, and tendons and flesh appeared on them,

And skin covered them, but there was no breath in them.

Then He said to me,

Prophesy to the breath,

Prophesy, son of man, and say to it,

Conjure the four winds of breath and breathe.

Chorus:

Awake, awake, awake my soul,

God resurrect these bones

From death to life, through you alone

Awake my soul

Awake, awake, awake my soul,

God resurrect these bones

From death to life, through you alone

Awake my soul

Lecrae:

Yeah, I’m not alone, I realize

I breathe out, I come alive

Your word gives life to my dry bones

Your breath tells death it can ride on

Awake me, make me a living stone,

A testament to your throne, I

I’m nothing without you, I’m on my own

The only one who satisfies my soul

Everywhere, Anywhere

I know, out there
Is a place for you and me
There's a place for us to see
We were meant to be

And I think we've found our spot
By the restaurants and the parking lot
In the middle of rush hour
As long as I'm in your car

With you…
With you…

Everywhere you go
Take me there
Anything you say
I'm with you all the way
Cause anywhere with you
Is my dream somewhere


I know, someday
We'll be laughing just like this
Let's make our promises and kiss
There's not a minute to miss

Let's leave our footprints on the sand
Let's run away, come to take my hand
Walk up a grassy hill
Or spend the whole day in a room

With you…
With you…

Everywhere you go
Take me there
Anything you say
I'm with you all the way
Cause anywhere with you
Is my dream somewhere


I know, right now
Our heads are floating on a cloud
But even if this bubble bursts so loud
I'll remember what I vowed

When I looked into your eyes
Without fear, Without disguise
I made a promise to be true
A promise to never bid adieu

To you…
To you…

So, everywhere you go
Take me there
Anything you say
I'm with you all the way
Cause anywhere with you
Is my dream somewhere

I Found My Blue Sky - Destiny

From my story, I Found My Blue Sky.

It had been years since we saw the mirror men, since, the tavern, since Bella.

It had been many years since Sam.

Now, sitting on a ledge with Abe somewhere in the middle of this mountain, watching the sunrise, I was weary with so many doubts about this whole “quest”. Where was all of this leading to?

Abe sensed my thoughts. “You can ask me, David. You can ask me anything.”

“Do you believe in destiny, Abe?”

“What do you mean by destiny?” He asked back.

“That everyone has a fixed ending. That somehow our lives will play out the way they’re meant to play out.”

The sun continued its ascent, little by little rising more and more.

Abe put his arm on my head and ruffled my hair, “I really like it that you ask so many questions. People are always asking, ‘What does the end look like? How is it going to come about? What is my destiny? They want to know the end because they want some assurance. As if knowing was really assuring. We want to know is the end fixed or is it fluid? Are we really living  or are we just programs dying?”

I was getting more confused. “What’s the answer? What do you believe?”

Abe looked at me, “Let me tell you what I believe. I believe in love. I believe that of all the laws and forces that be, there is true love that embraces all. And…”

I cut him off. “What is true love?”

“Haven’t you learned anything from our quest??” He seemed slightly irritated. “Love is not a ‘what’. It isn’t some-thing but some-one. You should know this.

“Apparently I don’t.”

Abe’s gentleness returned, “David, you’re not like most people. Don’t think like them. Most everyone searches for true love all their lives, yet most miss it. They miss it because they’re looking at stones and metals, woods and fabrics, colors and shades, boxes and crates, and hugs and kisses, and entitlements, and sentimentalities. They’re looing at roles and positions, and haves and have nots. Most of all they’re looking at mirrors.”

“Mirrors? Like the mirror people?”

“Yes, like the mirror people. A mirror shows a rich man but covers the needy. A mirror shows a bad mother but hides the dying child. A mirror shows a righteous priest but is in the way of a dying flock. A mirror shows a beautiful face but blinds from the beauty of others. What you see, who you see, is everything.”

Now I was incredibly confused.

“You never give me a straight answer, Abe. You still haven’t answered my question on destiny. I still don’t know what true love means. I still don’t have a clue!”

Abe laughed. “Believe it or not I am answering you. Besides, you don’t really need answers. People don’t really need answers. They need reasons. Most of what we need to know we already know.

Wake with light, sleep with the night. Sow in season and reap. Honor your father and mother, love your neighbor, and your enemies. Do not steal. Do not covet. Do not kill, not even in your heart. Do this, do that. It’s all there. Yet you don’t always do what you’re supposed to do you?”

“I can’t say that I do.” I answered embarrassed.

“There you go. You don’t need an answer. I’m giving you something more powerful. I’m giving you a reason.”

“So what’s my reason?” I asked, hoping to get a clear answer.

He looked at me and said, “It’s your reason. You tell me.”

 Puzzled, I asked, “I thought you said you were giving me a reason.”

“Yes, ‘A’ reason, not your reason. I’m giving you my reason.”

“Ok…” I was back to my confusion.

Abe slowed down. “David, remember when I first called you? Remember that night you woke up?”

“Yes. You asked me if I wanted to join your quest.”

“Why did you accept?”

“I got excited. You made it look so nice. I was young and didn’t know much. I didn’t know any better.”

Abe smiled, “You mean you wouldn’t have come if you knew what you know now?”

My eyes fell to my feet. “Maybe. It’s been so very hard. I’m alone now. I miss all the things I never used to miss. Most of all, I miss Sam. She was my best friend.”

“You miss her more than Bella and her roses?”

“I guess I miss her too. But I really miss Sam. She had the happiest eyes I know. She was so sweet, and kind, and generous. She was so beautiful.”

“You loved her.”

“Yes. Now I know I did.”

“There’s your answer in a glimpse, and there’s your reason in a glimpse. Let me show you something”

Abe stood up and motioned me to follow him.

We went up a little higher in the mountain and he pointed out at the view, “Look at the land bellow. What do you see?”

“I see a desert.”

“Do you see the tavern?” Abe asked.

“Yes. It looks like its on a dry river bed.”

“Do you see the city?”

“Yes. It’s dry too. Everything looks dry.

“That’s because it is dry. This world is dry. Come with me.” Abe was on the move again; this time stepping up a ledge I had difficulty scrambling over as I was much smaller than his 18 feet.

When I finally pulled myself up, I had  found that Abe had jumped down to the other side, and was swimming in a large and beautiful pool of all shades of blue. The pool was in the middle of veins of dry river beds. It looked like a blue octopus head in the middle of numerous tentacles.

“Dive in! The water is amazing!” Abe called out.

I stayed where I stood. What was a step down for Abe was a cliff to me.

Abe called again, “What are you waiting for? Dive in. The water’s amazing! Just jump!”

“Easy for you to say. You don’t have to jump off a cliff!” I shouted back.

Abe laughed, “What happened to that brave boy who thought he was a lion?”

I grumbled to myself, “I’m really starting to hate this!”

I stepped back some steps, far enough to get a running start. The pool was way below the ledge I was on, and few feet away from the bottom of the cliff. I needed to get as much momentum as I could.

I took a deep breath, “You can do this, David. You can do this.” And with a shout, I took off and ran towards the edge of the cliff.

This was it. I was taking a leap of faith.

I don’t really remember what it was, but my foot hit something, maybe a rock, maybe a branch, whatever it was, I tripped landed on my right shoulder, and fell off the cliff. I felt sharp rocks cut into my skin. I felt branches breaking under my weight. My head was whipped to different angles, I heard a bone break, and felt it too. The tumbling ended with a loud thud on the ground, just a few feet away from the pool.

I remember feeling nothing at first. Then I remember feeling pain, so much pain that I could no longer identify where it was coming from. I was lying on my chest and I couldn’t feel my legs.

Somehow I was able to look up. I could see the beautiful sparkling pool ahead in the short distance. Something inside me really wanted to make it to the water.

I tried to lift my body off the ground, but was reminded of the bone I had broken. Now I knew it was my right forearm. I fell back to the ground hurting and frustrated. I looked back at the pool, and this pristine sight was blurred with tears.

I felt my failure, and the pain it caused me. I knew I was dying and the events of my life started flashing. I remembered Sam, her bloody dead body. I remembered the vagabond who did not stay, the child who grew to soon, the mirror people, the rich man with the gold specs with the poor man with borrowed specs. I remembered the beauty queens and the gladiators, the giants and the flyers, the criers as well, and the mirror people. I remembered Bella and her dying roses, and her company of whores and men with asses uncovered at the tavern. I remembered the people of the city, too busy working and enjoying to stop and consider meaning. I thought about my family. I wondered how they were and what they would think if they saw me now.

Most of all I thought about me. How after all this time, after all I had gone through, all the pain absorbed has only led to more pain and more frustration.

Now, to find myself dying three feet away from the promise of the pool.

I started to weep, and with my good hand I punched the dirt.

“Abe! Abe! Abe!”

What is this?!!!

This was all your idea! You said this was going to be worth it. You lied! You lied to me!” I cried and kept crying, my tears mixing with the soil on my face covered my eyes like patches.

I lay there weeping to myself, angry at Abe, and angry at myself for listening to him.

“What was I thinking”, I thought to myself. “Boys shouldn’t be jumping off cliffs or fighting giants. Boys shouldn’t be opening their hearts or embracing naked people. Boys, the smart boys don’t leave comfort and security to follow an old man to who knows where. Smart boys don’t end up here.”

Then I felt his hands on me. He lifted me a little and turned me from the ground. His strong arms cradled me like a babe.

“My brave man. You are a lion, a hero, and you are strong. Come my child, my friend. “

They were strange words to tell a dying boy who had just fallen off a cliff, but I had no strength in me. I had no strength to argue.

Abe capably carried an almost lifeless me in his arms and walked towards the pool.

I heard his feet break the surface of the water as he stepped in. Slowly he waded towards the deep end and I felt the water rise. As we stepped forward, as we immersed deeper, the water level rose, and rose, and overflowed into the riverbeds forming thicker and thicker streams. Abe brought me deeper, and the waters overflowed even more.

The water rose above me, enveloping me completely. Looking back, I should have drowned.

But I didn’t.

I had not immersed in water. I was immersed in a pool of life.

My eyes opened and I looked at Abe. He looked completely radiant, his face burned like a blue flame, but I recognized him. He smiled at me and lifted me to an embrace. There was no more pain from the wounds and broken bones. There were no more wounds. There were no more broken bones. I forgot about my angry thoughts just expressed a few minutes earlier.

I was lost in wonder.

Time stopped in that embrace. I closed my eyes and buried myself in his chest.

“Look David.” Abe instructed. “Look at what we’ve done.”

I turned my head and saw that we were back at the ledge overlooking the country. But the country was different. It was completely transformed. Before me now lay a garden watered by the overflowing tentacles of the pool, running down the mountain, into great rushing rivers.

“What happened?” I asked him.

“We happened.” He told me. We happened to the country. We happened to people’s lives.

“I don’t remember doing anything.” I honestly told Abe.

Abe just laughed. I knew that it was all Abe, and I was thankful to even be a witness.

Where there was death now teemed life. The tavern was gone, probably washed away by the river. The windmills of the city were turning once more. Where the tavern stood grew an amazingly large rose bush with women and children enjoying the sweet fragrance it emitted.

And on ledge on top of the rose bush was Bella. She was giving orders to her daughters and adopted daughters as they prepared baskets of roses to deliver.

We should have been too far to see each other, but I saw her, and somehow she looked at my direction and mouthed a thank you.

Abe punched my shoulder lightly and called me a heart breaker, and we laughed and laughed together.

Than he pointed to the distance, to the hill where we buried Sam. It was now a thick fountain of golden honey surrounded by a rainbow of flowers of most exquisite form. Everywhere its honey flowed, everything it touched bloomed with color.

I felt so much peace.

“I love you Sam.” I spoke to the wind, not knowing if she would hear. “I miss your eyes. You’re the most beautiful girl in the world.

But I have to go. Goodbye.”

I finally said, and it was final – so I thought.

So many things seem final until they’re not.


Then I heard Abe's voice, his most assuring voice begin to speak, "Do you know what I believe?" He asked again and  I heard him repeat, "Let me tell you what I believe. I believe in love. I believe that of all the laws and forces that be, there is true love that embraces all."

This time I didn't cut him off.

"And I believe in you. I told you I was going to give you a reason, and that reason was my reason, my reason is you."

Then it all made sense to me. Destiny, where I'm supposed to be, isn't a place on a map or a moment in time, it is everywhere, anytime with the one you love.

I can't say I completely understood, it was too wonderful for me, but I cherished it all in my heart. How did I get here? I felt so lost. Why do I feel so alive? Wasn't I dying? Everything was too amazing to comprehend.

“Are you ready?” Abe's voice interrupted my thoughts.

“Ready for what?”

“Ready for our quest of course!”

“I thought this was it?” here I was confused again.

“My brave man, you have only seen a star among stars in a galaxy among galaxies. There’s so much more wonderful things waiting to be discovered.

Are your ready?”

I looked at Abe, “Yes, I am.”

“Great! Now follow me.” With those words, Abe stepped off the ledge of the mountain and walked on the sky as if there was some floor no one else could see.

He turned back to me when he saw that I didn’t follow him.

“What are you waiting for? Come on.”

I looked at this most fascinating guide standing on invisible ground. He was holding out his hand to me.

“Let’s go David.”

I smirked, “Easy for you to say to say, you have made clouds the dust of your feet.”

Then I stepped off anyway. I had found my blue sky.

The Beauty of A Broken Heart

I have a few posts for you today. I've had so much work this year, I'm quite behind. I have been writing though, on my notebooks, scraps of paper, and jotting stuff down pretty much anywhere letters can be found. I really want to discipline myself towards a writing rhythm.

Those Beautiful Black Notebooks
Someday, when I'm dead, my grown sons and daughters will open my journals and will be privy to the events, thoughts, the highs and lows, the dreams and nightmares, artistic expressions, and the random clippings of my life. They're going to find an imperfect account of an imperfect life, but I'm sure they'll be entertained, maybe even shocked, at what they read. I'm not worried though. As I read through my accounts bound in black notebooks, I am reminded of the many beautiful and ugly moments, and, woven over, under, around them, are my raw conversations with God.

Conversations with God...

How beautiful that thought is to me. That I, with all my faults, have been given access to the Divine One. That He intently listens to me. That He openly speaks with me. I'm starting to understand what Rabrindanath Tagore meant when he wrote:


Didst thou store my days and nights,
my deeds and dreams for the alchemy of thy art,
and string in the chain of thy music my songs of autumn and spring,
and gather the flowers from my mature moments for thy crown?

I see thine eyes gazing at the dark of my heart,
Lord of my life,
I wonder if my failure and wrongs are forgiven.
For many were my days without service
and nights of forgetfulness; futile were the flowers
that faded in the shade not offered to thee.


I know this may sound very arrogant to some of you, all this talk of speaking to "God", and I don't mean to sound like I'm someone extra special. Surely, I'm not. This access is available to everyone. I'm simply describing how grateful I am to wake up with a poem in my head, or a melody, or a story, or to be in the shower and to see pictures, to be sitting in the toilet and to hear words...

...and I'm starting to sound weird.

The point is this. My life has been incredibly beautiful, not because I did things perfectly (I haven't), not because I'm rich (I'm not at all), not because I'm wise (my journals are proof of my stupidity), and not because I'm religious (seriously, who are we fooling when we say "we're not that bad"). My life is beautiful because even as circumstances change, feelings rise and wane, and the cast of characters come and go, someone, The One, has stayed.

I wrote about my lessons on a beautiful life in my New Years blog, now let me add another one:

A beautiful life is neither a place nor a position, so it cannot be achieved or arrived at. A beautiful life is a life with the person who is most beautiful to you, thus it is achieved with an embrace. God has become most beautiful to me, so I enjoy the beauty of that embrace.

I don't want my sons and daughters to read about how life happened to me, as if my moments were one loosely connected accident after another. I want them to read about how I happened to life because God happened to me. I want them to see the pattern of God's faithfulness and know that it is their heritage to live in that pattern.


Heritage
Speaking of heritage, I want to share a short realization I had recently. During one of the prayer meetings of Victory's annual fast, I was sitting beside my friend, Chip, who was beside his family. As we prayed, I looked at the stage, I saw my father, leading the prayer, and so much gratefulness entered my heart for his life and for the seeds he planted that I am now enjoying. Looking to my right, I saw Chip's parents, Tito Colby and Tita Sony, also long time volunteers and two people with hearts of gold, and it hit me, "We're enjoying the fruits of the seeds our parents planted in this community. And I haven't been planting. If I want my kids to reap fruits, I need to start planting."

I looked to my friends and told them, "This year we start planting. And we start planting here."

I'm excited for what is going to come out of this. I encourage you to start planting into a community as well. Planting isn't about throwing seeds in all sorts of directions, it's about cultivating soil, irrigating, planting the right seeds the right way, it's a whole process - but it's the way to harvest.


The Beauty of A Broken Heart
Also in my New Years post were a few thoughts on planting. There was nothing original about what I said. It's just a longer way of saying "What you sow you shall reap". As I was thinking about this earlier, I started to cringe at the thought of the bad seeds I had already planted in my heart bearing fruit one day. So I prayed, "Father, please remove the bad seeds in my heart. I don't want them to bloom to evil that will hurt others. I am so so sorry for not taking more care."

And as I read through the pages of my journals, I noticed something beautiful among the painful, frustrating, disappointing, discouraging, heart breaking moments, these were the occasions when God's hand reached into my heart and plucked out the wrong things sown. What seemed like a painful experience was a loving Gardener cultivating the garden of my heart. 

Usually, when I'm hit with a heart break, and there are many ways a heart can be broken, I just want get it over with as soon as possible. Bury myself in work, start something new, basically bury myself with friends and activity. Before I know it, I'm over the pain, over the frustration, over the disappointment. I've moved on.

Or have I? Have I really moved on when I cannot forgive? When I cannot forgive others or myself? Have I really healed when the bad seeds sown still keep bearing fruit?

Of course not. Our hearts never heal with a mere bandage. We simply distracted ourselves, bought time, until we acclimatised to living broken hearted. And with every broken heart we experience, we collect the baggage of a lifetime of hurts, and slowly the beautiful soul that once existed is a shadow, and it's only a matter of time until who we are inside appears clearly for all to see.

Instead, let God's hands do His work. Don't put distractions, or worse, plant more bad seeds. What's a bad seed? We're not that dumb. We know when something is good and when something isn't. Don't try to put a tarp over the hole and pretend like nothing is broken. Humbly say, "Father, it's painful but have Your way."

And this is the beauty of the broken heart, that we know and feel, without a doubt, that we are loved even at our very worst.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
- Matthew 5:4

I Live by Faith Not by Sight

Little drops tiptoe on my face
As I look up at the black sky
I close my eyes, and there once more,
Shine a smart scattering of stars
Billions of reminders of promises
Still burning, still waiting for fruition
Still expecting hope to prevail
Despite the passing of our hours

Another Wedding

All the broken hearts
With mine accounted
Cheer another hopeful duo to start
On a journey, a kamikaze mission
Where those who bail for safety lose
And those who perish are exalted
How perilous the seas of love
Unconquered by the easily daunted
How stunning is the call of the sea
Unanswered we remain haunted

Feeling His Pleasure

I had not felt it for a while, His pleasure I mean. I felt my own, I felt the recognition, the admiration of others, but true pleasure, to feel that someone is utterly, completely pleased with me was elusive.

I stopped feeling His pleasure when I made Him a means to pleasure and fulfillment. When figuring out His principles to arrive at my dream place and position was more important that seeing Him, the person of Christ.

Most guilty am I of doing this to my relationship with God.

I had demoted Him in my heart.

I desired the blessing, forgot the blesser, and missed the blessing altogether because the blessing is Him.

I desired the promise more than the promise-giver, and let go of the promise anyway when the reality of my doubts proved more convincing, forgetting that He who promised is faithful.

Now, like the day pushing back the night, the dark shroud covering the miracles of my life is removed by the light, revealing the handiwork of providence. As I follow this light to its source, I am more and more blinded by the brightest prisms beaming from the most glorious of grooms.

"Walk down the aisle", He invites.

Yet I've walked this before, as a child, as an adolescent, many times in my young life.

As if hearing my thoughts, I hear Him speak:
"But you have been an unfaithful bride. How many times have you run away and chosen to be pleasured by others? How many times have you rejected my joy to enjoy the compliments of liars and thieves? How many times have you chosen the practical advice of those who cannot save instead of my promises too grand for you?"

In humble admission, in shame, I can only reply, "I cannot deny what You say is true. I have been a fool to exchange the goodness You gave for my pride, fear, and impatience. I am lost. I see I have brought on my own pain. Why then are we here? Is it my punishment to look at Your glory forever and be reminded in every cell of my body that I miss You and no longer have You?"

"Walk down the aisle." Is His response. "Renew Your vows to me as I have renewed my vows to You."

And in this cosmic ceremony, as the universe asks this righteous King, "Do You take this harlot to be thy bride?" I hear His most reassuring voice in a two word promise, "I do".

Sheer pleasure arrives as I hide in His love. Gone forevermore is the sinner. I am embraced as His bride.

Glad You Came...

For My Mother On Her Birthday

Of the many special happenings of my life
Of the many beautiful things experienced
Stands out the cadences on my lake -

Brought about by the drops
The most beautiful of drops
That taught my soul to awake -

To the poetry all around
Available to the seeking, the sensing
To those waiting for daybreak -

From the overflow of her soul
Rained a sublime shower
Blanketing me in the pitter-patter -

Of joy, of courage, of strength
Of faith, of hope, of love
Of all excellent matter -

Now also overflowing in me
And will forevermore
As the ripples of my mother

Brothers Bonifacio: When I Fall In Love

In a restless world like this is 
Love is ended before it's begun 
- Nat King Cole

"Because when I think about love, I don't think about the wisest and smartest people I know. When I think about love, I actually think about people who were so in love that they had gone beyond comprehension, as if they had gone crazy. When I think about love I think about the story of a boy who had nothing, a girl who should have known better but didn't, who put their trust in the greatest Love available to us, and didn't let anything get in the way. I'm talking about my folks by the way, and they just celebrated their 28th anniversary this month.

I know I'm known for being an Asian Professor Higgins, but I have to say, that really inspires me."
- Brothers Bonifacio: Now Showing


Another One Bites the Dust
So my younger brother, Joshua, got engaged to his long-time girlfriend, Kristie, and just like that another Bonifacio Brother is stolen away. I'm reminded of a scene from one of my favourite movies:


Just kidding.

I'm so happy for my brother. He's found an amazing woman in Kristie. There are a lot of beautiful girls, and pretty faces, a lot of talented ones, and a lot of friendly and pleasant personalities, but to have all of the above mixed in with work ethic, humility, and an immensely kind and generous heart is a rare thing. My brother found a gem in Krisite, and the amazing thing is she's truly crazy about him.

To have one person crazy about you brings butterflies, to have someone of incredible quality crazy about you brings dignity.

Already, there are two stories that have really made me proud to be brother and future-brother-in-law to these two. One is, after the proposal, Kristie tells Josh, "My only request is that you'll lead us to God, try your best at whatever you do, it doesn't have to be big, just try your best, and lessen your drinking."

In a world full of entitled people, including me, with a million different fantasies for what we want in a partner, here was a woman with admirable clarity of values saying, "This is what's important to me: that we honor God together and that you become the best version of yourself."

The 2nd story is how, after the New Year countdown, my brother and his fiancé, moved to a corner to pray. Her newly married brother and his wife would join them, and these two young couples would dedicate the new year to God.

Listening to Joshua tell me these stories, I was wondering who the stranger talking was and "What had he done to Josh?"

But I guess, as another brother bites the dust, out rose a new man, a brave man, a loving man, a leader. I'm shown a clear example of how life-laying love transforms not just the loved but also the lover. And once again, I'm reminded of why there's hope for mankind.


Am I Next?
My family has placed their bets on Vito getting married before me but I may just surprise everyone by beating my mom's 2 year old shitzu to the altar. Besides, we've already had this conversation on the episode: Our Father's Favor.


When I Fall In Love
I'm a lucky guy. I'm sandwiched by two brothers with amazing relationships, not perfect, far from perfect, but amazing, and I'm looking up at the two most incompatible people in the world, my folks, breaking the 30 year mark together. Walking home, after the engagement, I hung back a little to take a photo of my brothers and their females walking together holding hands. Joe holding Carla's hand and Josh holding Kristie's. I really like that picture now.

I know these two couples are going to go the distance. I don't just hope so, I know so. I know so because I know the people involved. I know that at the end of the day, God will be honoured before entitlements are claimed. I know that they won't keep a record of wrongs, because they understand that God has not kept a record of their wrongs. I know that they'll lay down their lives for each other as Jesus laid His life for them.

A few days ago I looked for the words "unconditional love" in the Bible. And after searching and searching, I actually found no phrase with the words "unconditional love". Maybe some of you can help me find it. I had a thought, all the relationships I admire contain two people who aren't making claims to the other's "unconditional love". They're too busy working together to place the conditions needed for love to thrive.

Love is like a plant that needs the proper conditions to grow. A plant grows in conditions where there is  sunlight and water. Maybe love is the same way. Maybe we should spend less time thinking about "how I'm loved" and spend more time on "How I love".  Maybe the question isn't "Am I loved unconditionally?" Maybe the question is, "Are we providing the right conditions for our love to grow?" I don't know. It's an idea. And I'm no expert. I'm asking smarter people at the moment. Maybe I'll write about it in the future.

All I know for now is this, when I fall in love, at least the next time I do (Haha!), I'll be taking pages from the two better members of the Bonifacio Brothers trio, because for whatever reason, in this area, these two have gotten it right.

Heart Skipped A Beat

Embrace My Fragile Heart

No matter how early the cares of the day wake me, I know I will find You waiting. I know that all I have to do is call Your name, and I do, because I need You. I don't need You for an answer nor for a favour. I don't need You for a moment nor for an occasion. I need You, Your presence, beside me, all around me, enveloping me in a complete embrace for I have a fragile, fragile, fragile heart.

But you are a shield around me, O LORD; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head.
- Psalm 3:3

A Familiar Title Lies On the Floor by My Seat

A familiar memory alights
Invited by a familiar melody
and the cover of a familiar book
A gift, a goodbye, in memoriam
Song ends, lights dim, time to exit
I go, but not before one last l

Start with His Faithfulness

Father, thank You for this brand new start.

Thank You for quiet mornings with You. The thought of You, of being with You, excites me. How can I not be excited when You're always making beautiful promises and fulfilling them? And even when things take time, even when I think You failed me, I only need to look at You and I see You, my ever faithful Lover, still with me. You show me Your faithfulness with Your presence in both good and bad times.

I have been a terrible lover, thinking that Your goodness is proven in Your doing MY will. How deeply the seeds of the world have been planted in my heart.

Is faithfulness proven in gifts and services? No. Is not faithfulness proven in presence, in being there, never leaving, in compassion? Yes.

Truly, You have been a faithful God.

I will rest in Your faithfulness that I may live faithful to You as well.

I Found My Blue Sky - Promise to Remember

From my story, I Found My Blue Sky.

Even from afar, I knew that mound was Sam. I ran faster than I had ever run in my life. And there, lying limply on the grass was Sam. Her face was almost unrecognisable, she looked like she had been mauled by a bear. All over her body were dark blue and red marks, stings, bites, scratches. Her dress was so tattered she was practically naked, if not for Abe's great cloak blanketing her. The grass she lay on was a dark crimson.


"Sam! Sam! Wake up Sam! Wake up!


"David." I heard Abe's voice calling me from behind.


I wasn't able to hold my anger. With every emotion in my body, I found myself spewing, "You! Where have you been?!! Why did you leave?!! You were the one who invited me on this quest!!! You were supposed to be my guide!!! You left!!! You disappeared on us!!! If you were there, if you had never left, we wouldn't have fought, she wouldn't have left with that stupid fox, she wouldn't be dead!!!


"I'm not dead", Sam whispered weakly, still lying very limply on the grass. "At least not yet."


"Sam...", I turned to her. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have let you go. I should have killed that stupid fox."


"It's not your fault. I should have listened to you. I should have believed you. But I was angry. I was really angry at you. I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry David."


I turned to Abe. My face in a tight frown, eyes red with burning , brimming with tears.


Sam's voice interrupted my gaze, "Don't be mad at him, David. He was the one who found me. He took me out of a pit of scorpions that the fox led me to. He brought me here, where you found me. He saved me."


"But he could have prevented this..."


"He wanted to. But we didn't wait. I didn't wait. And I ran. I told you, I was angry, I was hurt, I was so scared. I ran away."


Sam was right. None of this was Abe's fault. In his absence, we had forgotten, we had forgotten everything. Forgetting is what naturally happens when we stop remembering. In our pride and fear, in our impatience and insecurity, we failed to remember the hope of that first invite, the excitement of going on a journey together, of the close call on our capsized boat, the beautiful fireworks from a welder's sparks, when a shared sandwich, ginger beer, and a good story was all we needed to make us believe again. So we stopped believing. Little by little like a skilled lawyer we built a case against ourselves with an unforgiven record of wrongs.


"David…" Sam called as she squeezed two of my fingers she was able to reach.


"Do you remember when you told me you loved me?"


"How can I forget? You told me you didn't believe me."


She smiled sadly, "I believe you now. My whole life I wanted to be loved for my honey, and you don't even like honey, when the fox told me he loved my honey, it felt so good. It felt so good to hear someone tell me my honey was good."


"Abe likes your honey."


"But you don't."


"I don't like honey. You know that. But if you only told me, I would have eaten all your honey. I would have bathed in your honey."


She laughed very weakly. "Don't be silly. What I want to tell you is, I know now. I know you loved me, because you were the only one who loved me for me, not my honey. I regret that I had to learn this way, but to know that at one point in my life, even when I didn't accept, someone, you, loved me for me, what a satisfying idea. How bittersweet the beautiful realisations that come too late."


We were both crying now.


"Do you still love me?" she asked with a painful look in her face. I could see where the fox had bitten off chunks of her face, her torn ear, the scorpion sting marks.


"Of course. Of course. Of course I love you. How could I not? You're the most beautiful girl in the world."


She laughed, and in between heavy sobs she asked, "How can you say that? I can feel my ear dangling, and pieces of my face missing, I am dying, David, and dying ugly. How can you call this torn dying stupid girl who rejected you most beautiful?"


Holding what was left of her face in both hands, and now my tears were rolling, I looked into her eyes, "Because you have the happiest eyes I know."


Looking back at me, she smiled, "Forgive me for I must close them now. Make a David promise to me, the ones I know to never break, promise to remember my happy eyes ok? Remember my happy eyes looking into yours."


"I promise."


She closed her eyes and told me, "You make me so happy, David. I Lo…"


She never got to finish what she was going to say. I'll never know now. Samantha Lune' was dead.


I don't remember much of what happened next. I know I cried, and cried, and cried, and cried some more. I know I held on to that bloody lifeless corpse as long as I could. I know that I experienced anguish that we have no words for. And I remember Abe kneeling down, embracing me with his large frame, and together we grieved. The world never heard more piercing wails before or ever again.

Every Great and Simple Moment Is From You

Just as in 1 Chronicles 17, when You made a promise to David, You have made promises to us. I know that You will be faithful to complete all Your promises. I will not let my pride and fear get in the way. I will not let past hurts, disappointments, and sins take away from Your love for me. Keep me immersed in Your love, that I may grow in love , and that my life may overflow with love. Thank You for Your goodness to me. I take the time to remember Your many blessings. Every new day is from You, complete with new mercies. Every great and simple moment, You lovingly allow into our lives to lead is to You. The strings of my heart You pull, and You call me each day to You, to be Yours and Yours alone, that I may enjoy the fullness of Your love.